The Lives That We Lead (Off The Grid: Day 5)

If I should have a daughter

Instead of “Mom”

She’s gonna call me “Point B”

Because that way, she knows

That no matter what happens

At least she can always find her way to me

The first opening lines of this TED talk leave me somewhat transfixed. Clever. And poetic, very poetic.

I stumbled through the archives of TED talks one morning, looking for something to inspire me. Not so much to change my life entirely, but one that at least helps me get through the day. I’m drawn to the talk done by Sarah Kay. The still that serves as the video’s thumbnail is stunning. You can see that she’s in the middle of a spirited performance. There’s this sparkle in her eyes, this radiance from her face.

And the term “spoken word poet” piqued my interest.

Spoken word poetry, as Sarah describes it, is the love child between poetry and theatre. It’s about writing poetry that cannot sit still on paper. It demands to be read aloud, performed. And unlike written poetry where the people who reads it feels something amazing in a private and personal level, spoken word creates connections in the moment it is spoken and heard and seen, bridging the performer and the audience.

When I meet you, in that moment

I’m no longer a part of your future

I start quickly becoming part of your past

But in that instant, I get to share your present

And you, you get to share mine.

And that is the greatest present of all

It becomes apparent that stories and words are a huge part of Sarah’s life. I am amazed by how much I can relate to her. How we share such similar sentiments, share a love of words and stories. We see the world as one giant playground, one endless stage. In another talk entitled “How many lives can you live?” Sarah explores what you can do in a lifetime. Like me, she believed that she would get to do amazing things. Things that depended not on terms of ‘if’ but simply ‘when’.

“My Mom says that when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, my typical response was princess-ballerina-astronaut. What she doesn’t understand is that I wasn’t trying to invent some combined super profession, I was listing things I thought I was gonna get to be.” -- Sarah Kay on her childhood dreams

Feeling like you have all the time in the world makes the horrible realization that you don’t all the more jarring. It’s scary to think that you only get one shot, only get to do a fraction of the things you want to experience. Because dammit I’ve just discovered how wonderful life can be and I want to spent every single moment feeling that way. 

I want her to look at the world

Through the underside of a glass-bottom boat

To look through a microscope at the galaxies

That exists on the pinpoint of a human mind

Sarah imparts a few words of wisdom, something that I guess I knew a long time ago but didn’t fully accept or understand until now. There is a way we can live multiple lives. Perhaps not personally, not through our own eyes but through the eyes of other people. And there is a tool that can help achieve that: stories. That’s why I open a book and read. I want to experience those stories — other people’s stories and catch a glimpse of what life is like from the other side.

That’s why connections are so important. That’s why story-telling is so important. It’s this sharing of experience and knowledge that can shape you as a person, and perhaps to an extent, shape the world. I’m not so good with interacting with people. Not because I don’t like them. As much as I like spending time on my own, I do like spending time with other people too and I have never purposefully tried to avoid that. Maybe I shy away from it — hey, that’s just my awkwardness shining through.

As much as I enjoy talking about things like TV, movies, music, I can’t shake the feeling that everyone has their guard up. I have trouble getting into what’s real. Not that I expect it to be easy, I just didn’t think it’d be this hard, to hear and be heard. It almost sounds impossible.

But I see the impossible every day

Impossible is trying to connect in this world

Trying to hold onto others while things are blowing up around you

Knowing that while you’re speaking

They aren’t just waiting for their turn to talk – they hear you.

They feel exactly what you feel, at the same time you feel it

It’s what I strive for every time I open my mouth —

That impossible connection

There are two kinds of stories: stories that we experience second-hand, stories that we hear from other people. And then there are stories that we write. Stories that only we can tell because we’re the only one in this universe who sees the world the way we do. And that’s something I keep in mind, every time I pick up a pen or sit in front of a keyboard, fingers poised ready to write.

I may not be sure that I’m saying what I want to say with the best words possible but I do feel that I have something worth saying. Something that comes from me — from my mind, my heart. That’s why being a journalist sounded like the perfect dream. Not only could I go out and enjoy the world, I could write it all down too. Not only did I get to tell my own stories, I could go out and listen, go looking for other people’s. And hopefully, with enough patience and skill, I could help them share their stories.

I may not get it right the first time. I might find pain and sorrow and heartache and find myself unable to find the right words to say. But that doesn’t mean I can’t try.

There’ll be days like this my momma said…

… When your boots will fill with rain

And you’ll be up to your knees in disappointment

And those are the days you have all the more reason to say thank you

Because there’s nothing more beautiful than the way

The ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline

No matter how many times it’s sent away

If at this point in this essay, I’ve sounded a bit too pretentious for you to hear me out, then watch the videos and listen to Sarah Kay. She is a much more talented story-teller than I am and I can only hope to come close to what she’s doing with her life.

This world can seem big and so, so scary. And things tend to go in a way that you never planned and never expected to happen. But never give into that nagging feeling that you’re too small to matter. You might see someone, someone who’s famous and talented and brilliant and although you admire them, you feel yourself shrink away, feel insecure just by comparison.

There’s really nothing to compare in the first place. Sure, someone else may look like they’re living the perfect life, but that’s their life, their story. And you have one of your own, one that’s just waiting to unfold.

Don’t give up. Just keep on trying, keep on striving to be someone better, someone like those people you looked up to in the first place. Someone you know you can be.

You will put the wind in win some, lose some

You will put the star in starting over and over.

And no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute

Be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life

It may not seem like we can do much in one lifetime. But think about what we can do together through the lives that we lead. Lives that intersect and feed of one another’s energies, hopes and dreams. Lives that demand to be lived, listened to, appreciated and shared.

The life I’m leading has been a pretty confusing one so far. It’s a life that’s been revolving around words, stories and connections. And even as I write this imperfect essay, struggling to find the words I realize how much those words have given me, how much they’ve taught me.

A few closing words taken from Sarah:

This isn’t my first time here. This isn’t my last time here.

These aren’t the last words I’ll share.

But just in case, I’m trying my hardest

To get it right this time around.

Thanks for reading.

--Karin Novelia. And yes, on a scale of one to over trusting, I am pretty damn naïve.

*The quotes above may not be taken from the same poem/video
1). The lines in blue are from Sarah Kay's poem "Point B" and red is "Hiroshima" which can be heard here
2). The quote in green is from her talk "How many lives can you live?" posted here

Both Ends of the Same Spectrum

Recently, I read a really insightful book called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking written by Susan Cain.

(Coincidentally, the only reason I know about the book was because she was the first person I watched on TED, a conference where people discuss ideas. It's pretty cool, so if you feel like being inspired visit the TED website here).

The book is psychological non-fiction, based on Susan's intensive research about human temperament, mostly focusing on the terms introvert and extrovert. Susan has observed that there's a phenomenon she's called the Extrovert Ideal where the outgoing, loud, gregarious types are more favored over the cautious and contemplating.

In this modern age of media and competitiveness, there's sort of this need to 'self-promote'. You need to show off all your good qualities, so people can see them. People won't really take the time to find out what's lying underneathe, you know? And I get why that is. But the "Extrovert Ideal" as Susan explains can also be a double-edged sword.

Now, just to be clear, this book does not glorify introverts and belittle extroverts in anyway. In fact, Susan discusses the pros and cons of each side of the spectrum, and adresses the fact that there is a sense of favoritism leaning towards extrovertism, making the benefits of introvertism feel overlooked, challenging us to rethink our paradigms and shift them into a more open-minded direction.

This isn't really a book review. I'm not going into detail about what Susan Cain wrote, I just want to share my own thoughts on the subject, focusing on the introvert side. (I do think it's a really good book, so satisfy your curiosity and read it for yourself!)

Labels can be a bit of a scary thing, especially when there are negative connotations attached to them. So as I read Quiet I was excited and apprehensive at the same time. I felt like I could relate to the book. Susan shares so many experiences, stories she gathered from other people, some she experienced herself, about people just like me (quiet, reserved, the-always-stuck-in-their-heads type). And in each of those experiences there's this feeling that being that way (which for us is simply being ourselves naturally) is something that's discouraged, frowned upon.

There were times in the book when I smiled and thought Hey, I'm just like that! and times when I frowned and wondered Is that how people see me?

The problem is, that statistically one half to one third of the world's population are introverts. Like that quiet, smart kid that's sitting in you class ace-ing tests? They're probably an introvert. And you know what? They're probably getting bullied and made fun of too.

And that's really heartbreaking. Sure, they may be quiet, but being quiet doesn't mean someone isn't brilliant. They might have a hard time getting their ideas out there, or making sure their voice is heard, but that might be because there's never anyone around who's willing to listen.

People like that usually think before they speak. They have inhibitions which may seem like a disadvantage, but sometimes that cautiousness comes in handy in avoiding possible mishaps. But it is also does quiet thinkers who have a lot to contribute in the world. Think Vincent van Gogh and Albert Einstein. They didn't have their Eureka! moments at a pool party, hanging with the gang and socializing. They retreated into their minds and simply thought about things. You may not hear much during the process, but once introverts are sure with what they have, you can bet that the product of their thoughts is pretty damn amazing.

  

One aspect of the book that unnerved me was the fact that temperament is almost something genetic. The way you were born (like how sensitive you brain system is) can deeply influence how your basic instincts and personality is. I suppose some people can call that a relief. I am the way I am because of genetics. But it also seems to chuck our whole 'free will' philosophy out of the window. Like what if I don't want to be an introvert? Why can't I be peppy and loud and outgoing like others are? Because of genetics?

The book clearly underlined that though there is a acknowledgable scientific foundation to the formation of temperament, a lot of other variables such as the way you grew up, your environment, and yes, your choices will add up to who you are.

Lesson: No matter what anyone says, you can change yourself for the better.

Another heart-breaking point was seeing how people who were introverts at heart, had to become pseudo-extroverts, just to fall into the mold of the Extrovert Ideal. I do realize that being quiet all the time, doesn't do you any more good than talking too much does. There are times when you need to stand up and speak your mind, so others can hear what your thinking. There are also times when you need to step back and think, because charging ahead might cause you to crash.

But if you constantly have to go out and do something which doesn't come naturally to you, without letting anyone see your other side than isn't that the same as pretending? Lying to yourself, not being who you really are?

The problem is that introverts are being shamed into acting like extroverts. Some people feel like being quiet, means that there's something wrong with you, so does who naturally are, question themselves, try too hard to change. Some are even see as depressed or retarded, in need of therapy or medication.

Typical for human beings to see the different and outside-of-the-norm as mental illness, huh?

Some people think I'm quiet. Okay, I won't deny that because that's true. But when people use that against me and label me as 'anti-social' or 'arrogant' by jumping to conclusions it... It doesn't feel great. I feel like I'm being judged before I'm even presenting myself, and my instinct to that is to pull back, shy away...

And that's just really frustrating. Because I know that I'm not always what people make me out to be. I am so much more than they think or see. I can be loud, I can be weird, and I can be soooo lively around other people. But only if I feel comfortable with them, which might take a while.

It's sad to think that most people don't bother to look past those first impressions.

Which one was I then? Introvert or extrovert? Of course, noone can be a pure introvert or extrovert.

I can honestly admit I've been having a bit of an identity crisis lately for the past few years. It's like everytime I wake up I have an idea of who I want to be today. The cheery up-beat me that's gonna enjoy school and learning like she used to. Then there are the days I can't help but be the quiet, thoughtful me who over analyzes everything and can never seem to feel good about herself.

I think of myself as a walking mass of contradictions. There are a lot times when I confuse myself. I'm not really sure which of those sides are the real me. Sometimes I convince myself "All of those sides are you" and just confuse myself even more. But can a person really be so optimistic and brooding at the same time? Can a person really be so impulsive and cautious?

I've come to realize that I don't really feel the need to pick a side. I am sometimes one or the other and sometimes I can be both ends of the spectrum.

So here's what I think. Labels like introverts and extroverts, can be useful. They can help us understand who we are a little bit better so we can live our lives in way that's compliments that. But if you jump to conclusions and just tack them on so carelessly, then that my friends, is called prejudice.

So don't assume you know everything about someone. We are very, very complicated and cannot be summed up by a few trivial words. People are complex, so much bigger on the inside.

Even though you might be one over the other, just remember that basically we all exist on that same spectrum. Deep down, we are all the same.

Right now, I can't think of any other word that best describes collectively who I am other than this: me.

I. Am. Me.

One of a kind. And so are you.

So no matter how alienated you feel, no matter how different the world perceive you just remind yourself: I am me and noone else. Noone else can be me.

And believe me when I say, you can be so damn brilliant.

Thanks for reading!

-- Karin Novelia, Being the Best Me I Can Be

Who You Love, Who You Fight For and Who You Are

One aspect of human nature, which I find slightly disturbing, is our constant habit of labeling things. Not in a Sheldon Cooper like obsessive-compulsive way of labelling inanimate objects, but labeling human beings in mostly prejudicial ways.

You look at someone and start forming your opinions. You might notice their excessive body fat and assume they're lazy, insecure. You might make fun of them. You might joke around and call someone a name, in a way so ignorant that you may not realize that you're saying something that really hits home.

"I was called a faggot. I was called a homo, a queer. It was scary going into that building realizing these kids were taunting me with a word that was so close to the truth." -- Ryan Kendall in "8".

Homosexuality has been a controversial topic for years now, being the highlight of court battles, the basis for criminal sanctions and fuel for the discriminative flames of schoolyard bullies or even narrow-minded adults. The fact that the taunts thrown at them (in rude and inexcusable ways) are actually true, can only send someone over the edge, make them question who they are.

The quote above is taken from a legal-drama play called "8" which I found on Tumblr and watched on Youtube (a link to the video here). It is based off the transcripts of the trial that opposed Proposition 8, a ballot-initiative in California that banned same-sex marriage rights to citizens who were already enjoying them. It was absolutely captivating, with a live-streamed reading by a star-studded cast whose mere voice acting and subtle body language did justice to the true emotional essence that drove the historic trial to victory.

Personally, in Indonesia, you don't hear much about LGBT trials or cases. The majority of Indonesia (being Muslims) are highly religious, and it is based on those religious beliefs that homosexuality is considered wrong, in some provinces even, a crime. There is a lack of activity on the LGBT rights front, but I'm speaking from personal experience that there is at least one homosexual person in this country, and I bet that in reality there is much, much more.

What does homosexuality have to do with legal rights? Well, in most legal constitutions, the group homosexuals aren't explicitly addressed. Perhaps in a world where we all are open-minded and unfamiliar with the concept discrimination, homosexuality would not even be an issue. But it is, mostly because it is widely unaccepted in society. So, a chism has emerged from both sides of the story: people who, gay or otherwise, support LGBTs and people who don't. The people who don't accept homosexuality are finding ways to supress it, deeming it wrong and susceptible to harassment.

You ocassionaly hear someone being beaten because of their sexual orientation. Being called a freak, a faggot, far too many times that it causes them to take their own life. It's the cases like these, the discrimination and the harassment, that has pushed people to take a stand. To tell people that this is not okay and homosexuals do not deserve to be treated like that. The law is a indisputable concept developed by man which protects and creates order. Where else should these matters be taken to other than court?

Proposition 8 focuses on marriage, and it really gets you thinking. What makes gay people so different from heterosexuals? What makes them abnormal? What gives us the right to deprive them from a life of love? The Prop 8 trial focused on the definition of marriage and that it strictly had to be between a man and a woman.

Those words and definitions are man-made concepts. We're human, we make assumptions, make mistakes. Whose to say that we are not mistaken with our ideas that marriage can't be homosexual? Who can tell whether or not it will change the very core of society? Are we so arrogant to carve these paradigms into stone, without considering that change is bound to happen? In the play you'll see the defendants (the defenders of Proposition 8) have a hard time delivering their argument. Same-sex marriages or relationships are not doing any harm.

"It's not about who you're attracted to, it's who you fall in love with." -- Holly Holiday from Glee on sexuality.

Have you ever fallen in love? I, myself, don't think I have yet. How would you feel if someone told you that your love is something wrong? That this relationship that makes you feel good about yourself, makes you feel complete, is an abomination to nature and is publicly admonished? What can you even do when falling in love is something out of your control?

Love is something inspiring. And it's in my opinion that homosexual love, is the most inspiring of all. Despite all the negativity, the bigotry, these two people deemed by society as freaks or mentally-ill, come out and truly be themselves, express their love for each other in a way that is pure, touching and in the end, enduring.

I know that homosexuality is a very touchy issue, but I feel that I had to write this post on it just to let people know where I stand with it (being open-mindedly opinionated as I promised). I know that many people might not agree with me (just seeing gay couples on TV makes most of my friends disgusted).

So this is what I think -- no, this is what I believe. Homosexuality is okay. It doesn't make them any less better than heterosexuals. They are confident in who they are and we shouldn't ask them to change their ways, or pretend to be something they're not. We should not make it seem like they should be condemned, we need to make sure that they feel accepted and happy, like every human being has a right to be. They're human. Just like me and you. They might seem different, but they're not wrong.

Most might find homosexuals to be scary or feel it makes them uncomfortable, and you know what, that's okay too. We've spent most of lives seeing opposite-sex couples that same-sex ones seem foreign to us, outside of the norm. But do not ever let that fear or prejudice become an excuse for degrading a person's dignity. Do not ever make someone feel worthless when they are simply being who they are.

I don't care if your straight, gay, transgender or bi. Live the life you want to live. Love who you want to love. Marry who you want to marry. Be who you want to be.

Who you love might determine your sexuality. But your sexuality doesn't determine who you are as a person. No matter who it is, who you love will ultimately become who you fight for. Who you fight for, in the name of love, determines who you are. And that makes you human.

So take my advice. Don't hate. Be human.

I find that I get really emotional when it comes to this topic, so emotional that it clouds my heads and hinders me from fully conveying my feelings on the matter. I just hope that I make sense in what I've written, though I'll admit that I am no expert in the historic or legal or politic aspects of homosexuality rights. I'm just a person who thinks that discrimination is wrong, and urge you all to think the same.

Thanks for reading.

--Dreaming of a World Free of Hate, Karin Novelia 

Taking the Pledge

(This post was made in dedication for a Youth Empowerment themed blog, run by me and a couple of my friends. Visit the blog here at youthmakethingshappen.blogspot.com. Spread the word! Oh and this is my 80 post, wheeee! :D)

Sumpah Pemuda:

Kami putra dan putri Indonesia, mengaku bertumpah darah satu, tanah air Indonesia

Kami putra dan putri Indonesia, mengaku berbangsa yang satu, bangsa Indonesia.

Kami putra dan putri Indonesia, menjunjung tinggi bahasa persatuan, bahasa Indonesia.

I stood, back straight, on the grassy field within the dark green Columbus Hall of Santa Laurensia School that housed the Junior and Senior High classes. It was the morning of the 28th in this chilly October, the time of year when rain would frequent our area. The junior high school classes, from 7th until 9th grade, were lined up on the field as we progressed through our flag ceremony.

A ceremony for what you ask? Well, today wasn’t just any ordinary date. It was October 28 2011. 83 years ago, on this exact date, was the day that some call “the birth of Indonesia”. Not the date of Independence, but rather, the day we banded together and united in national spirit.

Historically, Indonesia did not gain independence until seventeen years later on August 17, 1945. The road to independence wasn’t smooth. And the revelations and ideas produced on this day was the spark that lit fire in the hearts of Indonesians who decided to strive for freedom from the colonial reign of foreign nations.

In the year 1928, the second Youth Congress (Kongres Pemuda) was held in Indonesia, joined by Youth organizations all over the country. In the Youth Congress the Youths would discuss many issues, from the economy to education to general welfare.

Can you imagine how the number of Youths that came together, sat down, and pitched ideas and dreamed of a better future of their country, were responsible for shaping the flourishing country Indonesia has become now?

A few famous items produced on that day were the national anthem Indonesia Raya and the inspiring text that opened this essay the Sumpah Pemuda or Youth Pledge. This Pledge, written from the minds of great Youth, has become as sort of reminder of Youthful potential, a guideline that drives the spirit of young Indonesians.

The message stated is clear: that 1) the ‘sons and daughters’ — the young people, the next generation — of Indonesia, acknowledged Indonesia as their homeland, 2) acknowledged Indonesia as their nation, the people within it despite the differences, their family, and 3) upheld it’s language of unity, bahasa Indonesia which has always been part of Indonesian’s unique culture. All 3 points of the pledges show how dedicated the Youths of that time were in defending and fighting for their beloved nation.

A sort of pulse-racing adrenaline ran through my veins when the pledge was read during the ceremony. I thought of how the past accomplishments the pledge writers must’ve made history and how their nationalism and drive was sort of over-shadowing the Youths of today. And deep inside, I had this burning, unquenchable desire to show that we – us kids – are capable of doing something great. Something life-changing.

We live in a world that is plagued with apathy. It’s undeniable that this modern, competing world has little room for mediocrity. Not many of us get a chance of success, leading to this modern day belief of not to try. As George Zinavoy once said in the movie, The Art of Getting By:

“It’s more like we’re living in a dying time, you know. I mean, you’ve got global warming, wars, terrorism, tsunamis. We’re definitely on the downhill side so what are we looking towards? What’s the point?”

It is hard living in a world that makes you feel like trying isn’t even worth it. It’s even harder when you’re not even given a chance.

It’s easy to see why the adults of today have almost zero trust in kids. We haven’t really done much to show our worth. We barely have the will to go to school, we’d rather sleep all day and party all night. In extreme cases we’d rebel, drop out of school and do drugs and have sex.

But those stereotypes aren’t true. They most certainly don’t apply to most of us. I for one, am tired of being underestimated. And luckily, Youths have stepped up their game, and the Youth empowerment front is definitely on the move. Question is: will you play your part?

Trust, me this ‘dying world’ needs each and every one of us kids, to open up the path to a better future. So take the pledge and feel empowered!

--Karin Novelia, Done With Being 'So Ordinary'

A Day to Remember: Ten Years after 9/11

On September 11, 2011, several American Airlines planes took off into the air. It seemed like a normal day, just the regular routine. Until of course, 3 planes were hi-jacked, two of which crashed into it's target, the World Trade Center in New York's Twin Towers. One was directed into the Pentagon

Ten years after, the effects, the memory of it all is still strongly felt. I saw a post on Tumblr about the tribute of light dedicated to 9/11, where 88 bulbs are used to send a blue beam of light up to the New York skyline. Those lights would take the shape of the Twin Towers, exactly where they should've been. A few weeks back in my Religion class we were shown a movie, based on real recording and accounts of people on Flight 93, a flight that was hi-jacked on this tragic day. And now, on the last day of holiday, I am watching these back-to-back 9/11 documentaries on the National Geographic channel.

What I'm seeing is really saddening, really heart-breaking. How a single act of terror orchestrated by people with the wrong ideals and determination to even commit suicide to get their twisted visions realized has not only killed hundreds of people from all walks of life
(young and old, Americans, Asians or Europeans who were living in New York) but shook a nation to its core.

The families, friends of the victims and heroes were all affected by this. And it's really just unfair. People lost their lives to something that could've not have happened at all. All this tragedy and grieve and panic could've just have never been.

For someone like me, who was young and probably eating a bowl
of cereal and heading of to school, someone who was oblivious to 9/11, to feel so shaken by this, it's hard to imagine what people who were directly a part of this day must be feeling, even ten years after.

I turned from a president dealing with national issues to a war-time president. It was something I hadn't anticipated nor even wanted

This is what former President George W Bush said in the documentary/interview I just saw. He was visiting a class of little kids when he heard the news that "America is under attack".

We cannot change what has happened. But 9/11 is a part of history that we do not want to repeat, and should learn from.

My heart goes out to the friends of families of those whose lives were taken on 9/11. May God grant you serenity and patience to the upcoming days in your life. To those who have passed, Rest in Peace. You certainly have not been forgotten.

--Karin Novelia, Sending Condolences.

Let's get you up to speed......

I. Am. A. Ninth Grader. Wow.

I can't believe how fast the final semester of 8th Grade ended. I had a nice holiday. Went out of the country and roamed all over Hongkong, with a short stint to Macau and then Singapore. And of course, all over malls with some of bestest of friends :)

It's been taking some getting used to all of the new surroundings. New class, new friends, new teachers. I had to constantly remind myself that I was not "8A/23" anymore. I am now, and proud to be "9B/16" :)

My class adviser is Sir Darma, and the decor of the class really reflects what he teaches: Biology. Complete with a small aquarium filled with goldfishes and guppies, and small potted plants airing out the classroom, I have to say, the whole atmosphere it quite COZY. :D

Sir Darma is known for being a creative yet perfectionist teacher. Though he might be easily-overworked, I know he wants the best from us 9B kids, the students put under his care, to help find our true potential. His ways may not be the most preferable, but his intentions are good.

I've been managing to handle classes so far. I've found a new sense of purpose, diligently slaying homework beasts that spill out of schoolbag with such... gusto.... that I've been getting a lot of things done in front of schedule.

One of my commitments for the upcoming year, is to become more active outside of the academic stuff. And yes, that includes: AYC :)

The Asean Youth Convention was the start of beautiful friendships and everlasting memories. It was definitely the best 10 days of my life last year. And a year has passed since then. One of the things we did when us delegates arrived home was to spread some Youth Empowering fever! Just last July, a number of students attended GYCi (Global Youth Congress International) sister event to AYC, GYF (Global Youth Forum). It was nice to see some friends depart on an inspiring experience and come back with a little more youthful panache ;)

Tomorrow even, another batch of kids will fly to Singapore to attend the 3rd AYC. Damn, I really wish I could go with. But the registration was open to 8th Graders only, and I do have a school retreat coming up that conflicts with it. I have, though, enjoyed taking a 'consultant' position, sharing personal experiences and making sure that the new advocates are ready for what's in store for them.

Don't worry. Though the newbies will fly off to find their wings, us experienced AYC-ers have bigger plans to deal it at home. That is of course preparing for AYC JAKARTA! :D

Some negativity, or rather pessimism, is thickly surrounding this matter. Does no one really believe that we can prepare a huge event like this? Not just prepare it on time, but make it special, make it unique, make it OUR OWN?

Everyone has their own vision for this AYC Jakarta plan. I can sum mine up well, in this lovely little sentence:

"Deliver not only an AYC experience, but the complete INDONESIAN experience as well."

Best of luck then, to all of this talented 'future leaders' :)

Asides from that, there are tons of extra-curricular stuff going around school that I want to take part in. Apparently, I'm taking over Yudhi's Writing Club. The thing I'm focusing on is selections and finding possible writing competitions. Then there's the school's magazine, "VieR", and I really wanna make it a swell edition. And in terms of extracurricular period ("Ekskul") I've taken... Volleyball. Yes. My new athletic goal is to become good at the sport. Maybe, go professional. (My friend even laughed at this, and I admit it might sound silly, but I'm really being serious! :D)

Besides trying to maintaining this blog, I've also joined the free period class ("KIR") of: Creative Writing. Along with some other Writing Club members. And I have been working on my first novel for a while now. About to hit 50 pages of A4 paper, small font and narrow margins, so yes, that's actually quite a lot.

And... my love story? Well. I guess that's another story for another day ;)

-Karin Novelia, Going Through A Fast-Paced Life

Through The Rain-Stained Glass

To be honest, I've changed. Quite a lot really, when you think about it.

Perhaps, this is a good thing. On the other hand, maybe it isn't either.

When I was little I used to get along with everyone, making friends were easy back when you were four. Now, honestly, friendship has become complicated.

I always, and still believe that no matter  how horrible someone seems, there is a good side to them. Now, I'm starting to think, that maybe that's not always the case.

I've always believed of giving somone second chances, giving them the benefit of the doubt. Back then, it seemingly paid off. Now, I'm not sure if it's worth the trouble.

I used to be such a tomboy. The kind of girl that would rather shoot hoops with the guys than gossip about guys with the girls. Never thought about love that much. Again, it was easier to do that when you were little. And so much easier before I met you. Hehehe. ;)

Back then, I used to think that there was always people who supported me. Now, it looks like there are a lot more people who want to bring me down.

Back then, I was still the youngest child. I still got some attention, just like a kid should. Now, I'm the middle child, always looking after my brother and sister, sometimes being side-lined for the sake of their well-being. I used to love this 'job', now I'm not sure. :/

Use to think, that no matter how bad things seemed, everything would work out if I tried my best. Now, at best, I still cling onto that belief, but time and time again, I've been proven wrong.

I used to always speak my mind. I always would say the stupidest things, and people would go "Aw, how cute" and laugh. Cuz when you're little you're still allowed to make mistakes. Now, people might take things the wrong way, and blow things out of proportion. So I guess, I've learned to think before I speak. I've learned that maybe it's best to hold your tongue sometimes. Perhaps, at times, I've witheld to much?

They say change is part of growing up. You can't grow up without it.

Maybe it seems like my changes in perspective on the things I've written above are seemingly becoming more pessimistic. Well, maybe they are. But maybe, their just showing that I'm thinking more logically. Thinking more mature. The real world -- the one I'll face once I'm all grown-up -- isn't that much welcoming for a kid, right?

There's one thing, that I've started to realize though. Back then, in my old life, I guess you could call it, I've been a bit closed. I used to think that showing emotions -- sadness, anger, depression, envy -- was lame. That it showed I was weak.

Now, I still think the same way. Noone really cared when I did, so I see it as pointless.

But recently, things have been different. I've found myself opening up to other people. I've even cried in front of my friends (during AYC), and it's something I haven't done in a long time. When it happened, I couldn't help but hit myself. I thought things would start to be awkward. That when I looked at my friends, all they would remember was me in that moment. Fragile, weak... and vulnerable.

Surprisingly, they didn't. Well, maybe they did remember that moment. But because they did, I guess, I've let them into my personal bubble, given them a chance to know me better. They gotten a better look at who I am, and what gets to me. That didn't make them any less my friends. In fact, it's made them better friends, since now they know exactly what to do and when I need a helping hand or just a hug.

I think I've realized, that showing emotions isn't such a bad thing. That sometimes, it's okay to let those tears out. Seeing the world through tear-glazed eyes is like looking through the rain-stained glass of a window after a drizzle. The moist drops of water slightly obscure your view and the world becomes a little blurry, and for a moment your troubles seem a lot less small. Then the light shines at a certain angle, and the drops of water seem to shine, giving off their small glow.

And then, in this half-melancholic, half-calm state, you realize: the world is beautiful.

--Karin Novelia, Staring Out The Rain-Stained Glass

Behind The Mask

Put into this world, here we share the stage
Each threading the costume we choose to wear
Acting out the characters we choose to be

Then comes a scene thats uncertain
That shakes the foundation of our faith
And shackles us with chains of fear

We take off the costumes we once treasured
And wear the design of another man
Putting on masks to better hide ouselves

A mask of insecurity and fake grandeur
A shield from emotions and reality
All just an illusion, a hopeless facade

As the story goes on, not written as it should
We tire of playing the same empty role
Of playing the same useless game

There comes a time when we realize
For however fleeting or brief a moment
Of the authentic person that lives within us

We surprise others, even ourselves
When we be who we're meant to be
Taking a step closer to who we are

The person behind the mask

--Karin Novelia, The One Behind The Mask

I Just Wanna Say... Thank You.

*Siiiiiiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh*

Talking a walk down memory lane, sure is just... :')

After 2 weeks, this is still on my mind. Sorry, if the THANK YOU NOTE took so long, I've been busy okay :3 But better late than never right? I guess another reason I've decided to write this up now is cuz I've hit a bit of a snag in life right now. A few problems here and there, have gotten me derailed from my track of optimism and happiness. But amidst all the problems, I remembered AYC, and looking back at those memories reminded me that what I wanted to do was still in the right direction, and that it still is something worth doing.

Before you can move forward, sometimes you have to step back and really remember the things that have happened, the memories and experiences that keep you driven. All the while, you are compelled to say THANK YOU, even if it seems like repeating it over and over again.

So, AYC's over. And I have to say, it has really changed my life. I've said thank you and been grateful, a thousand times over, but I feel a proper thank you note is in order. The last time I did something like this, was back in the 6th Grade, just after I graduated. So you can probably tell, making a thank you note for AYC, which only lasted a week or so, makes it special.

And DARE I SAY it... better than 6B :O 

There I said it. So be happy people, feel special. One by one, let's go. (Just skip to your name then to the closing, if you don't wanna get bored XD)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1) First of all thank you to Mr and Mrs Chu for helping us along the way, making this GYCi and AYC happen and being such inspirational leaders who believe in the power of youth. To Yan Kiat and Yan Ling, for being such cute kids and great side entertainment :)

2) For Eileen, Stephanie, and David for showing what Youths can do by putting together AYC 2010, being awesome chairpersons and getting me pumped up to put my best foot forward in the AYC (in Indonesia, I heard :D).

3) To the proffesional speakers and experts who took the time to come over and educate us Future Leaders. I really appreciate what you've taught us and how much you believe in the power of YOUTHS. I'll always remember the important lessons you've given me and be sure to put them to good use.

4) To all my New friends:

-To the fellow YDLs I met on Day 1 :) (Azrina, Amirah, Heng Yi, Sun, Bao, Jiahe): It was fun getting to know you guys on the YDL training sessions! Thanks for sharing with us what knowledge you have and letting us know on the issues you face and would like to solve. You're a great bunch of people, so good luck for whatever you do in the future!

-All the fellow groupmates of J3: (Yin Tan, Yan Ying, Hui Yie, Sha, Natalia, Agas, Mia, Jun Wei, Dhiraj) Thanks for being such great groupmates! I really enjoyed the discussion and laughs we had together. Never forget WOW!, and keep in touch! :)

-J3's Lovely Facil, Xin Yu: Thanks for being such an awesome facil! We would be clueless in our discussion without you. Even though Dhiraj calls you an old lady, you look very pretty to me :) I read your words of inspiration from your farewell card when I feel down, because it reminds me of you and AYC!

-The guys at Outreach (Vivian, Yi Xin, Ryan, Darren): Thanks for being such awesome people and hanging out with us delegates during the night programs! The AYC experience just wouldn't be the same without it! Come to the next AYC in Jakarta, and we'll return the favor! Thanks for sending us off too! See you :)

-Dhiraj: Special shout-out to you man :) It was sooo nice of you to come all the way to the airport to say goodbye. I'll miss your fluffy attitude (?) and off-the-cuff remarks and humour! You're an awesome speaker man, I see you going places ;) 'Till next time, Fishball  XP

-Ezra: How can I forget Mr Insensitive? Thanks for adding some extra energy into AYC with your humour and awesomeness :) I hope you've taken my advice and gained some weight! Hahaha. Thanks for also making me immune to POKES, and teasing me with a certain someone ;) (I'd prefer you stop it though!). Come over to Jakarta sometime, and we'll be sure to show you a great time! 'Till then, cheers :)

-Carin: Hey, SOT twin :) Thanks for being such a great friend while we were there, being so fun. Your as awesome and pretty as your name! I'll miss you lots, and thanks for the farewell snacks, they were delish. Hope to see you again soon :)

-Boon: Thanks for taking us around Universal Studios on our first day XD. You're a really fun guy, and a master of air guitar. Hahahaha. Good luck in your future endevours, keep on rockin'! :)

-Uly: Really huge thanks for the Public Speaking session you gave to us YDLs! It was a great session, and you really got us into it by making us improv on the spot. But seriously, could've you thought of a more embarassing topic? "My Most Embarassing Moment", doesn't get as personal as that, huh? But it really made the session more enjoyable, and you reminded me that Public Speaking can be fun! Also, thanks for letting me see a stagedive in person, how to play air-guitar the right way, and showing me that a guy can hold a pink ukelele with style XD. Good luck in future plans, keep on being a great Public Speaker! :)

-The rest of the SOT gang, to numerous to mention: This AYC event wouldn't even had happened it wasn't for all of you guys' hardwork! THANK YOU SO MUCH! The memories made shall be kept in my heart forever. Hope we can see each other again in the next AYC! :)

5) Indonesian Peeps :)

-Fellow Indonesians from Bandung and Jakarta: (Gianna, Adit, Rafi, Dio, Dania, Adrian, Agas, Mia and Gloria) Hey, great job in AYC guys! It was a pleasure working with you, thanks for the help and cooperation! I look forward to our future plans together and a growing and lasting friendship! Let's make Indonesia proud! :)

6) The Wonderful People at Santa Laurensia JHS :)

-BIG THANKS to Mr Yudi, Pak Higinus, Bu Jane and Bu Maria for accompanying us on the AYC trip and helping us throughout the way. Without your support and faith in us from the beginning, we would've never been able to achieve what we did.

-Yudhi: Congrats again for becoming Head YDL! See great things in your future man, look forward to working with you. Without you this whole trip probably wouldn't have gone as smoothly as it did, so THANKS, for your support, care, and panic attacks (?) because of us. Learn to relax a bit, so you're head doesn't come off and I'm sure you'll be fine :)

-Jeffry: Patapon! (Peace Jeff ^^V) Thanks for being such a great guy throughout the entire trip. You're younger than I am, but that doesn't really show. You've got great potential, and sure can bring a fun yet deep guy. Good luck with being Alternate Chairperson. Hope we can continue to work together in the near future! :)

-Zoya: Hey, Zoya. I think you're a really nice girl, very responsible and able to be a leader. It was fun getting to know you better in this trip, and thanks for comforting and supporting me when I... well, you know. I really am grateful for you're help! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

-Kay: When I think of you, I think of the song Nobody. Hahaha. You're such a fun girl Kay, you may be small physically, but you have a big heart! Thanks for being such a great and bubbly friend, bringin joy and laughter to the whole experience. LOVE YOU, hugs! :)

-Edwin: You've been a big help, arranging the exhibition booth. Though you made a mistake, you still did a good job! Your laugh is just hilarious and you can keep a cool-head but still be fun when the situation allows. Hope to do great things together in the future :)

-Odi: otherwise known as Dit... I won't finish it XD. Your such a nice guy, a bit quiet but really fun. Sorry, if we kept you awake at night by talking in your room. Hahahaha. You must teach me Vietnamese language again, hahahaha. THANKS for lending me your iPhone too. Hahaha :)

-Clara: One word to describe you: Pretty. Seriously, I'm jealous, hahaha. You're a sweet and fun girl, made me laugh a lot during the trip. Hope I can get to know you even more. THANKS for being so awesome :)

-Cathy: You look like Clara so much, I sometimes get you two confused. XP You're great at playing the guiter, teach me sometime yeah? Hahaha. I like the way you speak, it sounds so cute, and you've been a big help throughout AYC, and a fan of doing the AYC claps. (GIVE ME ONE SEXY MACHO CLAP! XD) THANKS for making us have such a great time! :)

-Erico: Nyahaha, thinking of you during AYC always bring a smile to my face! As a fellow writing club member, AYC has helped me seen you in a different light. You're a fun guy to be around, to talk with, and though the way you act at night is somewhat scary (HAHAHA) you sure can make people laugh! Thanks for showing me how GAY the Nobody Dance can make a guy seem (just kidding, man XP) and showing me that a guy can buy undergarments and show them off. LET ME BORROW YOUR LEADERSHIP BOOKS. And keep on writing man :)

-Toby: Hey, Mr Student Council President. You're a really funny guy, always fooling around and saying something hilarious. But you proved that you can also be serious, intelligent and really helpful. I see you being an AWESOME future leader, and THANKS for everything you've done, even as Student Prez for this past year at Loren. :)

-Sharleen: Poce, hehehe. I'm amazed at the fact that we don't know each other that well, but we got together so quickly. You've been an awesome roommate (though, we never stayed in our room much), and I enjoyed spending nights with you and the rest of the 'sesi curhat' gang. The way you and Erico fight is hilarious! XD

THANKS for being such a good friend. Love you, muachh. :)

-Evan: Panda! I almost forgot your name here XD. (Sorry, not on purpose!) Yeah, so, I think we've gotten pretty close over AYC, which is amazing since I've never really known you before. THANKS for helping me carry my things, finishing my food (AND SLURPIES), and lending me money to buy shoes :3 You're a really funny, but also cooperative guy. I had a nice time talking and spending time with you. BUT I HATE THAT I'M SHORTER THAN YOU! And that you're so white and call me black. And you tease me so much. Hahahaha. -__- Anyways, hope we can keep this friendship up for a long time! :)

-Olivia: Your so tall lah, I'm jealous -__-". Hahaha. I've had so much fun hanging out with you, especially at Sentosa! We got sooo wet! Hahaha. And you kept on losing things, which were apparently in MY bag. But you haven't uploaded the AYC photos yet, meanie :3 Just kidding! No pressure, but upload them sometime, cuz they're really good ;) THANKS for the awesome time and letting me borrow your camera (not to take pictures HAHAHA). :)

-Karina: Hey, it's my other twin! You might not agree, but with people mixing up our names as often as they do, we might as well be! Hahahaha. I THANK YOU SO MUCH for your awesome camera skills. You have given me some of the greatest picture in AYC! Hehehe. And thanks for letting me play Tap Tap on your iTouch! Say hi and THANK YOU to Audrey for me too. Love you like a sister and bestie, muachh :)

-Kenny: Nyahaha, so how did your little brother like the NERF? THANKS for being a bit crazy during AYC, and for lifting up the mood with your awesome childish energy. Because you took me to Toys R Us, I was able to buy that Woody doll :3! And for introducing me to your little twin (Yan Kiat) Hahaha. I LOVE your pajamas, and I want to see you wear them again! Just keep the bad languange to a minimum next time okay? Hahaha :)

-Meydi: Hahaha, I just remembered the song NOBODY again. THANKS for showing me how to the the dance, the right way, and for being just the loud and awesome you during AYC. Be like Erico and show off the undergarments you bought with him (Just Kidding! XD). Nyahaha :)

-Garry: David! (Kidding ya, XD). I don't know why you hate being called David, it's a cool nickname, you know. Hahaha. Fellow 8A-er, you really have been a great help during AYC, being a YDL and everything, and have suffered catching up just as I have. XD. Good luck in your current position and THANKS for being so tolerable when we crashed in your room for our night sessions :3. DAVID! (Just for fun) :)

-Natasha: Hey, did you decide whether or not to fall yet? Hahaha. I miss our heart-2-heart sessions, and you going crazy at night, forcing me to... you know ;) Your a great girl, really fun and energetic. THANK YOU for almost spilling my secret, and making the rumours seem bigger than they already are (sacrastic mode: ON) Hahahaha. Wish you luck in your love-life. LOVE YOU, muachhh :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This turned out to be so long @_@. Hahaha, well, that just means that there are a lot more things that I'm THANKFUL for. So even though AYC 2010 is over, I'm really glad it happened, with all the laughs and smiles and ups and downs.

THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN FOR EVERYTHING AGAIN GUYS!!!

Especially, to the Laurensia AYC-ers, I know we're all pretty busy since we came back. Even in the middle of all of the crazines with catching up with school, quizzes and tests, we still have been motivated and inspired enough by AYC, to start out After-Plan.

I'm sorry, if there are a few things that haven't gone entirely well. Especially on behalf of me, sorry for all my mistakes and errors. (Especially yesterday's presentation, FAIL! So SORRY again) I've accepted what criticism and comments you guys have given me, and I'm grateful for the feedback and support.

From this point onwards, let's keep on putting our best out there, to make our plans work.

THANKS FOR READING! :)

--Karin Novelia

Aloha, Pak Agus

Today has been a pretty bad day for me. I woke up this morning feeling so ready to go to school. But in the end I couldn't because this annoying little cough that surfaced just after I came home from Singapore, turned for the worse. Now my throat is sore, and my voice is on the verge of completely getting lost. When it does come out, I sound like a croaking frog.

On the up-side of sick days, as always, was extra sleep time, some very needed R&R, and something most kids wouldn't probably agree to, a chance to get most of my schoolwork done.

But amidst of my sudden energy boost to get to work, my spirit was dampened just this evening.

I was sitting by my Doctor, Doctor Indra's table as he wrote out a prescription for my sore throat, when my Mom suddenly shoved her BlackBerry into my face. At first, I thought she was going to tell me a corny joke, or the latest gossip moms like to talk about these days, but when I reluctantly read the single line of news, there was no more I could do than to blink back in surprise.

Pak Agus. Elementary PE teacher. Passed away?

I couldn't even register what was written on the screen. For the first few seconds, I didn't even want to believe it.

I still remembered the last time I saw Pak Agus. I remember it as if it was yesterday, because it really was only yesterday. It was after school, and as always my preferred route towards home passed the Elementary's Einstein Hall. I saw my little sister walk into the TU, and followed her to take her home. I saw my Mom, also waiting inside, the small room, Pak Agus sitting on the receptionist table.

I can still picture his face. He was smiling, having a nice conversation with my mom. I could see the wrinkles converge at the corner of his eyes, as he laughed about something, seemingly happy. Seemingly fine.

I passed the BlackBerry back to mom, as she asked the means of Pak Agus's passing. She kept reveling in the fact, that she had talked to him just yesterday, without realizing that would probably the last time she would talk to him. The last she would even see him.

A heart-attack. That was what took him away from us. From his family, his friends, his beloved students. A way of dying so sudden, it would practically be painless. All I could think about then was Why? Why now? Why ever, for that matter? Was death that merciless to take away someone who's time hadn't even come?

The doc came back with my medicine, and I said thank you and left, my heart felt heavy.

I felt like crying. Oh, man, I felt like crying so much. But I didn't wanna do it in front of my Mom. Nor at home for that matter, in front of my Dad, sister or brother. But it hurt a lot. Hearing such awful news. My heart was aching. I couldn't bear it.

But I held the tears in. I convinced myself that not crying, didn't mean I didn't care. Not crying meant, that I was being strong. Being strong so as to not make others sad, or worry about me. And being strong for Pak Agus, who surely is in a happier place now.

Instead, I had a flashback moment in the car. I remembered the days back in Elementary, when I was being taught by Pak Agus. For someone who's a bit athletically-challenged, PE wasn't always such a favorite of mine. Sure, I would give my best, but in the end, I'd be really wiped and wasn't able to master any techniques.

But, with Pak Agus, I found a new joy to learning PE. He pushed me to try even harder. He pushed me to believe in myself, to believe that I could. In the end, I wasn't a master, but he helped me to improve.

I still remember a moment back in the 6th Grade, the year I truly miss dearly. It was coming around time to face the National Exams, and also the Practical Exams. The one that worried me the most was PE. Doing forward somersaults were not my forte.

It was after a day when I had had PE. We were practicing doing our rolls, and I of course was hopeless at it. When dismissal time came around, I knew I would be picked up late, and I decided to hang around the gym. It was completely deserted, just me and the lone basketball.

Then, Pak Agus stopped by. Now that I think about it, I don't really know why he was there. He just was. And even until now, I'm glad for that fact. He asked me if I was ready for the PE Practicals yet. He asked in his sort of taunting and playful way, but I openly said no, I wasn't ready. I couldn't even do a freakin' somersault.

He laughed, and since I was feeling down at the time, it irritated me a little. But what he did next, still gets me even now. He pulled out a green mattress, the thin ones we used for practice, and told me try again, at that very second.

I thought he was kidding, at first. But since no one was around, I was confident enough to try. The first attempts were a failure. So much, I was even laughing at myself. But because, I kept trying and because Pak Agus was there to help, and support me, by the end of the day, I was able to do it.

When Practicals came around, you know how much I got in PE? An 8. I know, it's not a 8.5 or a 9, but it was the highest I ever achieved, and so yeah... I'm grateful for it.

Pak Agus is a guy I remember with a moustache. A guy who would tell corny jokes, and had a hearty laugh. A guy who became a PE teacher, who taught me for about 3 years. A guy who taunted me when I failed at PE, but supported me 'till I succeeded. A guy who inspired and taught me, and gave me all the more reason to become a teacher.

And to Pak Agus, wherever you are now, I hope you are happy and satisfied with the life you have led. I believe that you're in a better place now. I know that you are going to read this, and you are smiling right now. I just want you to know, that without you I wouldn't have been able to have done the things that I did. The things that you taught me to do. What you showed me, was beyond mere PE. You taught me to believe in myself. And for that, I want to say THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart.

Even though it's still a bit hard for me to imagine, to walk past the Elementary building, without being to able to say hi, or even see you again, I feel somewhat stronger. Though this is sad news, I'll remember in every step I make the things you have taught me. I'll only become more determined now in PE class, to raise my grades, not just for me, but for you as well.

Goodbye, Pak Agus. You've truly been a great PE teacher and friend for me.

And somewhere, someday, I know we'll get to say Hello to each other again.

So for now, I guess the best thing to say is, Aloha! :)

--Karin Novelia

Being Oh So Ever Grateful

So AYC is over! Yeah, it's sad yet also a momentous occasion.

I know I've been behind on the blog. (Don't let the altered time stamps fool u XP). But I got them all up in the end right?

So yeah, AYC has really changed me. And it's makes so grateful about absolutely EVERYTHING!

I even got so caught up in our AYC after-plan, that I really stepped into the "Leader Throne" today. It was a bit frustrating, at first, but in the end we managed to pull through. But it was also exhilarating, so much that my heart's still pounding right now! I actually am EXCITED to go school now.

I'm so glad and proud of my fellow Laurensia AYC Delegates who are really putting in their hardest right now! Thanks for such a fruitful facil discussion on our after plans, and for cooperating with me!

So, like after every momentous occasion, I wanna write a Thank You Note, thanking everyone through this crazy AYC experience. Maybe I should've done it sooner but I'm pretty busy, so I'll do it tomorrow on the next post!

Nyahaha, sounds like cheating/making excuses? Whatever, at least I know my heart is in the right place.

See u tomorrow!

--Karin Novelia

AYC, Day 10

5th August 2010

This is it. The day of JUDGEMENT.

....

Confused? Good, cuz I made that up HAHA! But seriously, today was the day. The final day. Day 10, or as I like to refer to it Day Z, the day we would leave Singapore.

We stayed up late again last night, me and the gang, and took advantage of this day to finally sleep in. We had plans to go to Orchard Road, but since no one wanted to wake up, we didn't have time.

We got to the airport around 1-ish I think, all together. Now was the time to say goodbye. We were sent off by Darren (who still owes use us all something :P), Vivian, Ryan and Yi Xin the greatest guys from Outreach. Even Ezra and Dhiraj came soon after from school, just to say goodbye :')

Man, I don't know why but AYC has really changed me, made me more emotional. I actually cried as we bid each other farewell and hugged. That was a first for me, really. Crying openly in front of everybody, even people I had only gotten to know in a week. Most of us were crying, some on the verge of doing so. 

Man. I can't believe how painful this suddenly became. I didn't want to say goodbye. I didn't want to leave. Not yet, at least. And maybe, deep inside, not ever.

We checked-in and went past security. My eyes were dry by then, but my heart still felt heavy. We kept on waving to the guys outside, until at the last moment possible. We even waved goodbye to Yudhi (Bye, bye! XD) since he was going on a different flight.

We hanged around the terminal a bit, trying to find a quick lunch before headed on the plane. I was stuffed by the dinner was over. Stuffed because of the food. Stuffed because of the emotional overflow.

I stayed quiet the rest of the flight, sharing my plate with Evan, my personal vacuum cleaner (XD), thinking again on AYC, looking a the farewell notes I got from everybody.

Goodbye is one of the hardest words, no?

But then a thought came to mind:

"Sometimes, good things have to end. That way, there's room for better things to happen."

Once the plane touched back down on Soekarno Hatta airport, I couldn't help but smile. I was sad to have to say goodbye. But goodbye would not be for ever. I'll be back Singapore, just you wait, guys! For now I was back home.

So that's the end of the blog post feed. Thanks for reading. 

Dedicated to AYC 2010!

--Karin Novelia

Waiting In Line, Waiting For a Verdict

[BTW, this is like important. This is like, my 20th post faithful readers (Or technically reader. Haha, yeah I'm talking about you. Let's see me reach 50(?), as soon as possible :) ]

Aaaaaahhhhh….

Oh, hey there, reader. I was just taking a moment to enjoy my end-of-school holiday. But, no, that's not what I'm gonna talk about today. Today I want to talk about yesterday, seeing as today was the next day after yesterday which I should've talked about yesterday instead of tomorrow which is now today, I'm gonna do it today, okay?

Confused? Good.

Anywaaaaaaaaaaaay….

Yesterday was a Tuesday. Don't get me wrong, I like Tuesdays, but that Tuesday was something I really wasn't looking forward to. If you look at my last post, you would see I received "exciting (yet TERRIFYING) news".

So, it came completely by surprise. I was up typing on my laptop, when on Facebook, Yudhi popped up in chat.

Yudhi: "hey, karin, r u coming to sch tomorrow?"

Me: "yeah, to drop off the form"

Yudhi: "what abt the interview?"

"…"

It took me a moment to register what was written on the chatbox. When I realized what he said, I rapidly typed back, "WHAT INTERVIEW? WHAT THE HECK R U TALKING ABOUT?"

I pressed enter, and whadayaknow, he went offline -__-

I resisted the urge to bang on the keyboard when he was for some reason going on and off on Facebook. When the connection settled, he replied:

Yudhi: "did you come to the meeting on Saturday?"

Way to answer with a question with a question, man. But then as I took a moment to recall it, I realized what he meant. On Saturday, one of the things we talked about was the AYC delegate leaders. Mr Yudi did say something about compiling a list of candidates, but seriously, how could they not tell me?

I pretty much freaked out. Usually, interviews and such wouldn't bother me, but that was mainly because I had time to calm down and prepare. In short, I stayed up late. There were still a few parts of the delegate form I tried to figure out, and then for some reason I ended up chatting up with a… well I guess I could say, friend. (To said person: We should really finish that chat, don't you think?)

I didn't get a good night's sleep. The next day I woke up a tad—okay, way — late. Yudhi said to get to school about 8 AM, and I woke up at well… seven-fifty-five. Hahaha. I kicked into overdrive to get ready and when I was dressing up in my room, my cellphone rang. The number on the screen, I recognized as Yudhi's.

Yudhi: "Hey, Karin this is Yudhi." (No duh) "About when are you coming to school?"

Me: "Uh, around 8.30…?" (Well, it was past that, which Yudhi didn't point out. In my defense, I had no idea what time it was.)

Yudhi: "Okay, then. By the way, the interview's at 12."

"…"

My mind took a moment to completely take that in (Yeah, I know it's been doing that a lot lately). I instantly felt relieved. I thought I completely missed out on the interview. So taking my sweeeet precious time, I got to school about nine. Ignoring obviously intrigued stares from the few people who were at school (seriously, who comes to school on a day-off? Other than the only guy who actually reads this blog, that is. Haha)

Hopping up the stairs, I walked into the Student Council room and ran into Yudhi and Mr Yudi. Only, the two of them that is.

"You're here so early," said Mr. Yudi, which only confirmed I was up way too early than I should've been.

"She's here to drop off the form," elaborated Yudhi, which compelled me to say, "Here it is, see you at 12." and head back home...

But no, it seemed Yudhi had something else in mind. "And maybe give a hand with all these other forms," he finished.

How was I supposed to respond to that? I shrugged, giving off this goofy smile and surrendered. My mom's car was gone anyhow, so it was better than doing nothing. Spending most of the morning re-typing the delegate forms was well, let's be honest, boring and the fact that I didn't get much sleep made my mind drift in and out of that place. Then Yudhi started making conversation, you know, the usual banter. HAHA. (Don't ask the reason for that one.) Then he said:

"So, you ready for the interview later?"

"…"

I cracked up in another one of my trademark goofy smiles, the ones I use to fill in awkward silences or when my brain is lagging too much or when I just don't know how to respond.

"I was actually trying not to think about it," was my final reply.

Although we were sitting across from each other, we were busy behind laptops, but I could've sworn he smiled(?). "How could you not think about it? I mean, this is kind of huge."

Thanks for reminding me, I sarcastically thought. "When I face "huge" stuff like this, my brain sorts of shut down. I try not to think about it."

I'll spare you the boring details and skip to around 10 AM, when the other guys started to file in. Most of them were 8^th Graders, and there was only one other 7^th Grader around. Didn't really help my odds *shrugs*.

Yudhi started getting texts from the interviewer a Mr Chu who flew in all the way from Singapore to interview us o.O. He was the founder of the GYCi, the Global Youth Congress International, and so I pictured him as a big hotshot or something, with fancy suits and maybe a limo(?). Didn't turn out the way.

So instead of arriving to school at 12 sharp as said, it appears that was his airport arrival time. Sounding just a tad bit like a tourist, he actually asked Yudhi how much a cab ride could cost (seems like a typical question, right?) only to start offering cab drivers 100k for a ride. (Naik taksi pake nawar, emng lg di pasar? (okay, jayus…) ya gk bisalah…)

I actually welcomed the delay. More time to freak out. Yipee.

Suckish thing was, we didn't know what the interview would be focused on, so I decided to prepare myself to ad-lib it all. Another suckish thing, I was getting hungry as lunch-time loomed near.

Then he arrived. Dun dun dun. Everyone was all tense suddenly. He wanted to meet us all in the meeting room, and introduce himself. Opposite to my initial image, suits and all, he wore a plain pink(?)-ish shirt and normal dress trousers. He had a typical Singaporean face and a friendly smile.

He explained a lot about the AYC's vision and ASEAN's history, and how he founded the AYC in hopes of a future were the countries in ASEAN had progressed into something huge. It was inspirational stuff really, but I couldn't help but tune out of the briefing every now and then.

In my mind I was all, After this is the interview. Don't panic. The interview. THE INTERVIEW. Hey, I said don't panic! You are gonna do fine.

Okay, that was a bit of over-reacting, but I did realize the interview was coming oh, so very soon and I just tried to keep my mind in the zone and ready for it. Then a certain image of a certain person came into mind, from like out-of-the-blue and mind fell off balance for a split-second. I blame last night's conversation -__-.

Back to the story. We were handed a guideline on what the Delegate Leaders are all about and a basic registration form. We got paired up for the interviews (which was sort of a relief) and sent to the Meeting Room again to fill out the forms.

Now, as you probably already know, writing is one of my many talents. In a sense, it might be the only skill I have mastered. But filling out the forms was a bit of a stumper for me. It mostly asked about past 'LEADERSHIP EXPERIENCE'.

Damn. The only leadership experience I had was like being class president and planning my family vacations. Trust me, it was hard work and brought out a loud of leadership skills in me, but like it doesn't pop out, you know? I guess, it shouldn't have been a big deal seeing as everyone else didn't have much outside school experience either. But they were all like in the student council or something, and it did give them the slightest upper-hand.

The only other guy who had zilch experience as me was, Erico, who was also my interview partner (unfortunately :P Just kidding. High five, dude!).

Many people ask me, "Why didn't you join the Student Council? You would be a great candidate."

Blah, blah, blah. Not to be disrespectful or anything to the people who support me and encourage me to be all "over-achieving" and who realize my leadership potential, 4 words: You. Don't. Know. Me.

Okay, I would love to be Ms. Busy-body and play teacher's pet, though evidently, that has gotten me into drama before, but I'm not a "Rachel Berry", if you will. I'm not the type of person who knows she has what it takes but destroys it by being overly-'me', all obsessive and overshadowing. I guess what I'm trying to say is, that I'm still figuring things out. I don't want to push myself to doing what seems like 'the typical me thing' to do. Not many people know what I have to deal with on a daily basis. School, parents, making sure my older brother gets through school and baby-sitting a younger sister. It's the little things I've been doing for like an eternity and I love doing them, it's like the dream job you don't wanna quit, but it takes a lot out of me.

WOAH. Don't know how that suddenly turned into a rant-ish paragraph, but yeah, that's basically my point. I promised myself, I would take this first freshmen year at Santa Laurensia JHS, to just adapt. Though that seems to have hurt my resumé, and I've realized that I do need to build it up (8^th Grade, I am so going to kill you---> actually planning Student Council President Candidacy. Trust me, I have BIG plans).

Anyways, let's skip right to the interview. After waiting for over an hour in line, Me and Erico sat down next to each other, while we agonizingly waited for Mr Chu to take a call. I fingered a simple black bracelet I put on just for today. There's a bit of history into the seemingly mundane rubber wrist-wear, but let's just say it was like a good-luck charm.

He hung up (finally!) and started the interview. He asked a kind of cornering first one. In front of us was a list of the Leader candidates, and he ask us to choose the top 3 in our books, who would become great leaders. He gave us time to think, and I was just stumped. Not on the first choice (I think you know what I mean), not so much on the second, but the third. You see most of the names on the list were 8^th Graders. And the gap seemed a bit disadvantageous to me. Since, we haven't really been in the same class and such, I don't think anyone could really see my leadership skills.

So after an awkward silence, Erico went first. First was, well, himself *ahem*. Second was, well, you-know-who *ahem*. And the third one I just forgot. Suffice to say he didn't say my name *shrugs*.

My turn. First was also myself (No, duh). Second was… unimportant *ahem*, and when I was contemplating third to be Erico I decided the opposite way, saying someone's name at the top of my head.

Next Question: "Why did you not choose your interview partner, out of curiosity?"

I nearly laughed, but I answered first. Well, since he didn't pick me, I didn't feel obligated to pick him, was what I said IN MY MIND. Out loud, I pointed out that we were in the same Writing Club, I had a chance to know him and I said he was a nice guy who participates actively in the club, (and "Nothing personal," I laughed) but I didn't think he would be able to manage a huge project on his own.

Yeah, that was a bit sugar-coated at best. I remember that the moment I said 'Writing Club', Eric's face sort of fell and he said afterwards that, "Pas lw ngomong Writing Club, ack, gw udh takut lw mo ngomong ttg gw males ngumpulin tugas ato ap, tp ternyata ngk." So, sugar-coated, at best. I guess I'm just that nice.

When he answered, I could tell he was making it all up on the fly. I can't exactly remember what he said but I think it was something like "…. But she's not out-going enough and might not be organized enough to lead a project like this."

My response: Outside, I had a small smile and nodded understandingly, taking the critique the professional way. Inside, I thought, Screw you. If we were in the same class, you'd be begging me to lead/be in your group. (Peace dude, no harm intended. Haha :P)

Next questions were pretty straight-forward. The good and bad about our beloved Indonesia, reasons why we should be the leaders, how we would handle a situation.

Bottom line, I think it went pretty well. I pretty much knew how to respond to the questions, and didn't really take too much time to think or say 'uh…' or 'um…' to frequently. Big thumbs up to myself on this one, was all I have to say.

Afterwards, it was Yudhi's and Kay's turn, and while we waited for the verdict, as he said it might be announced right after their interview (which it never did), Ms Maria, the principal of our school sat down with me, Garry, Erico, Evan and Mr Yudi and just had a nice chat. I didn't really say much, since I didn't have much of a reputation yet with Ms Maria yet, she didn't really acknowledge me (oh, boohoo).

Nicest thing was afterwards, Erico treated me to lunch at McDonald's :)

If your reading this, Erico, I wanna say thanks a lot, you saved my stomach, and I just noticed on Facebook that your birthday's tomorrow, so Happy Birthday, hope you have a good one!

Okay, WOAH. It's late. It's 10.30-ish now, and I started typing this at like 8.30. It turned out a lot longer than expected but hey, when you're writing from the heart, words flow out much more easily.

I'm still a bit nervous about the results. Will I become the first 7^th Grade AYC Delegate Leader in Santa Laurensia? Okay, that's a bit of a stretch, but I'm way nervous. Wish me tons of luck!

By the way, tonight's episode of Glee was awesome, no it was legen—wait for it—dary! (Get the reference?). Love you NPH! Or should I say Bryan Ryan? Or, better AWESOME-er yet, Uncle Barney? Ahahaha. And I got the latest songs already in my cell, so it'll be tonight's lullaby.

So good night guys.

Signed,

Sir Writes-A-Lot