Losing My Spark

Doesn’t it just suck to see your life completely collapse right in front of you? To see every plan and effort you’ve made suddenly be scrapped and seem… worthless.

Sorry to open up my first post, after a long blogging hiatus, with such a gloomy opening. I’ve just recently entered the “Christmas holidays” after a grueling school semester. The 8th grade wasn't as easy as I thought it would be.

But the one thing that’s been really getting to me: Sometimes it feels like I’m not even trying. Like nowadays, I’m more prone to give up.

What the hell.

This isn’t me. This isn’t who I am. I am not a quitter. Haven’t I always tried giving my best in everything I do, no matter what the outcome? To get back up when I fall?

The thing is, getting back up isn’t always that easy. It’s a lazy afternoon, and I just started thinking about my life so far. More specifically everything that has happened in this past year.

2010. A pretty nice number, huh? Been a pretty good year too, when I think about it. Actually, one of the best moments of my life happened within this year.

On the other hand, so did a whole bunch of other crap.

Reading back on some of my earlier posts, like the one on my first day of school, my first day of 8th grade — I had a lot of expectations for this year. A lot of plans. And it seemed like none of them turned out well.

It’s December. The last month of the year. 2010 is about to end, and I guess, it’s got me thinking about it. About what has happened. Or didn’t happen.

But, let’s tackle that one a time. Since I’m absolutely bored out of my brain right, I’m gonna pick up the pieces and dust off this old blog of mine. I’ll recall everything that has happened since my last post (back in September haha) and try to chronicle them as best as I can.

Right now… I can’t help but feel… that I’ve lost my spark. I’ve stopped trying to the things I’ve wanted to achieve. The things that I could only dream of.

Well, life’s been fine, recently. Things have been getting better. But I can’t help but feel something’s missing. That the days that are going by feel sort of empty. That I don’t feel…. alive.

One thing’s for sure: I have to get my spark back.

--Karin Novelia, A Missing Spark


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