I Don't Know

I think somewhere, somewhere way down the line, I stopped my brain from thinking and my heart from feeling. Out of self-defense. I don't know. I entered "automatic mode" because it was the only way I could get by. Now I can't seem to get them started again. I don't know. I can't think straight. I can't really feel. Because actually trying to means going out of that self-defense mode. It means opening myself up to hope and leaving myself vulnerable to disappointment. I don't know. I could stay like this. Settle into this routine of doing things for the sake of doing things, doing thing because I have to not because I want to. I don't know.
Maybe I've gotten used to being a robot that I can't function as a human being anymore.
I don't know.


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