Family Traditions

I like to describe my family as an eclectic bunch. I come from a Chinese background, though our traditions have significantly diluted over the course of my childhood. I think that mainly has to do with the fact that I was born and raised in the Philippines for the first 9 years of my life, and that meant me and my immediate family lived quite a distance away from my extended and inherently more Chinese family.

The majority of Filipinos who inhabit the Philippines aren't Chinese, which means that Chinese related holidays weren't nationally celebrated. I do remember however, as a child, how I would sometimes miss a day or two of school to fly back to Indonesia with my family to visit our relatives. We visited their houses and had dinner together and received the somewhat obligatory ang pao. And, being a typical little kid, I cared little for the red packets and the money inside them.

Over the years these annual visits to my elder relatives ceased, mostly due to time and costs restraints of travelling back and forth so often. Though we moved away from those Chinese traditions, and adopted a more liberal way of thinking, my parents have always gone out of their way to remind us of a few important lessons, or rather shared beliefs that I still continue to carry with me.

Growing up, my parents pretty much left me and my siblings to our devices. We moved back to Indonesia from the Philippines, when I was just 9 years old, and I didn't speak a lick of Bahasa Indonesia. That made adjusting to this brand new life, in this strange and foreign land, all the more difficult and terrifying. My parents basically just threw me into this new life and told me to figure things out as best I could.

This kinda makes them sound like horrible parents, but no, they were far from it. My parents were always open to listen to our concerns, and even though they let me and my siblings be independent, they were always ready to help and support us in anyway that they can. They're parenting style is something I started referring to as granting us "responsible freedom".

They encouraged me to make my own decisions and to go for anything that I wanted to do or felt like I needed to pursue, as long as I use the freedom they give me responsibly and not do anything immoral or betray their trust in any way.

And that's pretty awesome (though also terrifying because half the time I feel like I don't know what I'm doing with my life and I'm 100% accountable for everything I do).

My parents spent a lot of time telling me and my siblings stories about their own childhood and how "back in the day" life was significantly different from how it is today, but the lessons they taught me were also universal.

My mother lost her father at the tender age of 18, and whenever she tells me this or whenever she talks about her father, I get a sense of how strong of a woman she really is. She is a very religious person, being a Christian, and has always tried to nurture that same kind of faith in me and my siblings. From her and her equally religious family, I have learned that sometimes terrible things happen in your life, most of which you have no control over. What you do have control over, is how you choose to react to it, and with some faith and hope, you can overcome anything.

For reasons I would rather not elaborate here on this blog, I am somewhat estranged with my father's side of the family. Some actions were done which caused some tension and it's tough, trying to cut off someone who is both a beloved yet somewhat toxic influence to your life. But my father takes this all in his stride, and don't worry, steps are being taken to mend things, but my father has ultimately taught me that sometimes people will be mean to you, but that doesn't mean you should treat their meanness with the same kind of volatile hatred.

In the end, my parents are the two most trustworthy people I know, and I come to them time and time again when I need advice on making important decisions like whether or not I should take this scholarship to study in Singapore, or should I take A-Levels or the IBDP. As much as I value their opinions and listen intently to their advice, they never push their ideals onto me. The decision is mine and mine alone to make. My parents are just along for the ride to provide care and support.

Do I wish I more in touch with my Chinese roots? Yes. Having lived in so many different places (Philippines to Indonesia and now Singapore) I guess I've always felt like I had no place I felt rooted to. But in a way, this has given me the chance to be more open-minded to the world around me, and I definitely have my parents to thank for allowing the freedom to explore and see the world the way I came to learn to see it.

I guess that's all for this post then.

--Karin Novelia, Using Her Freedom Responsibly