A Link To The Past

Hey, 2nd post in 2011! You know the New Year festivities has really gotten me thinking about the future. My expectations, the endless possibilities. But, of course it also has gotten me thinkgin about the past. Like I've written down in my previous posts, one of the main things that happened in 2010 was the sudden spike in my love life. 

These are the tweets I wrote out when I found myself waking up at 5 a.m. last Thursday and opened my phone to read a super sweet text from my boyfriend who is all the way at Turkey at the moment. The thing is about getting into the relationship it seemed so sudden, such a blur, I couldn't believe 8-9-10 had even happened at all. But ending up with this guy... a guy I used to see a lot back in Elementary but never really had the chance to get to know... was it really I coincidence that we met up again now?

Well, who knows? The universe works in mysterious ways. Here are the tweets! :D

When I first saw you, all those years ago, I'll admit, I felt attracted. Though it was obvious you were crushing on someone else.

So you exited my mind. And there were rare days where I did see you and I did enjoy it. It's like everything stopped at the sight of you.

But we were always walking off in opposite directions. With our own friends, crushing on other people. Like we were in our own little worlds.

Middle school. We saw each other again now that we were in the same school building. Actually, you seemed to be everywhere. Always busy.

The first time I met you. Beyond just a glance, with an actual conversation. First impression: So Out Of My League.

I'm no expert in this game called Crushing and Falling In Love but at least, I know what I want.

You were exactly the kind of guy that I would fall for. And exactly the kind I knew was out of my reach.

So I guess I sort of... went against my own instincts and blocked the possibility of even crushing on you from my mind. Friends. For now.

Does it sound stupid to have fallen for someone, even unconsciously, within the span of ten days?

Not stupid, per se. Just foolish.

But it wasn't just any 10 days. It was the best 10 days of my life, spent by the 20 of us. And among that 20 was you and me.

If there's one thing I regret about those 10 days it would be the fact that, at times, I wasn't at my best.

All because of that one night that was such a nightmare, the repercussions of what happened still able to be felt now.

But you... you were always just there. You'd have your seat next to mine, you'd walk around with me, you'd stand next to me in photos.

Remember how we got so close? First day, USS. You asked to finish my lunch, and I let you. Then you asked again and again the next day.

In those 10 days, we were in a bubble. Staying abroad, away from the pressures at school and home. Free to enjoy the trip and have fun. 

I guess it was a once-in-a-life time opportunity, spending that time with you.

I hadn't even begun to realize my feelings for you until after we came back. 

In the car on the way home from the airport. Dark night, awkward silence. Then my phone vibrates with a new text message. It's from you. 

I refrained from asking the question that pops into my head when a guy texts me for the first time. "How the heck did you get my number?"  

I guess a huge part of me didn't care. I was glad you texted me. You saved my night.

A week went by and we were always texting. You were actually... showing signs that you were interested in me. I couldn't believe it.

When I told my my closest friends about you. How you acted towards me, how you made me feel, how "gw lw" became "aku kamu". They'd say...

"Maybe he likes you, Rin." Hearing that for the first time made my ears ring. It sounded impossible. Yet in the end it was true.

And hearing it, straight from you, that you did like me, that was a feeling like no other.

Honestly, I've never been in this kind of situation before. Where a guy shows interest in me first, and I guess, charmed me into liking him.

You are cute, I'll admit that. You're one of the most nicest-looking guys I know. There's something about your smile. You're... alluring.

The thing is, from what I've heard, you had this sort of bad boy reputation.

At first it was just warnings from friends. "Be careful with him" stuff like that.

From others it sounded a little more harsh. As if they were just waiting for this to end, expecting things to go wrong.

"Hah, you won't even last a month..." I once heard someone say. God, sometimes I'd just wish they'd shut up! Hadn't I made MY choice?

I did made my choice. On that day you chose to pop the question came my decision. I said, yes.

And since then you've surprised my again and again. You've shown, proven to me that I was right -- there's more to you than meets the eye.

I can now say from the bottom of my heart: I love you. And I hope that'll never change.

-- Karin Novelia, In Love With A Boy She First Saw Years Ago

A Year to Remember. Goodbye 2010 :’)

Well, it’s 31st of December 2010. The last day of 2010. New Year’s Eve.

So let’s take a look back at my #2010memories. (Check out the last 2 post, labeled #2010Memories for the quick summary of it all :D From Love, Friends, Family and School ;D)

2010. The end of seventh grade, the start of the eight. I know, I had high expectations for this year, and some of them didn’t really work out.

Bad times, good times. Wonderful times, unforgettable moments.

2010 has been a roller coaster. And I have written down everything that has happened in this past year, and soon, it about 2 and a half hours, 2011 will have arrived.

And if anything, this new year will the start of a new beginning. I mean, seriously, a completely blank slate. So, I’m gonna spend this blogpost, writing down my New Year’s Resolutions. I work best in organized thoughts so, let’s start with…

Family.

1). No more fights. Amen.

2). Spend more time with the family. Actually start letting them into my lives a bit, talk to them, be more honest.

3). Spend more time with my brother and sister. Help them out.

4). Start helping out more around the house. Like keeping my own room clean, for starters.

5). Keep more in touch with the big fam, all the relatives outside of Jakarta ;)

School.

I know I’ve let my grades slip a bit. And I’m honestly freaking out on how my 1st Semester Report Card will turn out. So I promise and wish that my grades will turn back to pristine conditions, and not let them slip again. Here’s how:

1). Spend more time studying, REALLY studying. Work out a schedule, showing what subject, what subchapter to study/review. Make it detailed and organized.

2). Learn to manage my time more wisely. NO MORE SKS (Sistem Kebut Semalem Haha -..-), CHASING PROJECTS SO CLOSE TO THE DEADLINE!!

3). ORGANIZATION! More specifically, my school notes! Really should tidy them up and right them neatly!

4). Sleep well. Sleep according to sleeping hours. Seriously, no more dozing off at school. Haha -.-

5). Pay more attention to my extra-curricular activities! Remember you signed yourself up for these Kai! So stick with them ‘til the end, even if their starting to become a pain!

5a). Never neglect WRITING CLUB ASSIGNMENTS! That includes possible upcoming VIER stuff!

5b). SCIENCE CLUB! Don’t disappoint Sir Didi again!

5c). AYC! Continue the after-plan! THE ENGLISH BOOK HOW EH?

5d). Modern Dance Class! Ekskul Kai, be there, no excuses, even if Yudhi’s forcing you to do something else say NO! (hehehe peace Yudh). Practice, practice, practice!

6). Kai, seriously. Do your Math Homework. Hahaha. No, seriously.

Friends.

1). Never forget the power of GPRS <3

2). Spend more time with friends! Especially my old besties, can’t forget them! :D

3). BIRTHDAYS! Can’t forget the important ones! Really put and effort into buying friends presents and giving them memorable surprises! :D

Love Life. Hehehehehe.

1). My Resolution on this? Well, I guess this is more of a wish. In 2011, I wanna still be with him. Until the end, make it through the year at least. Maybe for the rest of my life.

2). Show him I love him more often. Possibly every day.

3). Never let go of that “cheesy” side of love. Never be afraid to say “I love you”, “I miss you”, call him “sayang” or “sweetie” or “honey, even in front of others. Be a 5-cheese pizza B) Haha.

4). Be... more myself around him. Forget my inhibitions, let goes of my nerves. I can be me around him, when we’re alone, just the two of us, but around other people, I guess I kind of freeze up. No more of that.

5). Be more patient with this. Don’t expect too much. That’s worked so far, really, and he has surprised me again and again :D

6). Stop thinking about the past. Stop comparing myself to his… ex-es.

Personal Resolutions.

1). Give myself more credit. Stop underestimating myself. You can do better than this, Kai. You just gotta believe it.

2). Open up a little. Stop living in your head, in your own world. Let others be a part of your life.

3). GET OUT THERE! Start shaping the future the way you want it to be! Start becoming the person you could only dream of! Follow your dreams, your wants, your wishes! Dance, sing, maybe even cook! Anything you want is within your reach! :D

4). Stop living in the past. No matter how you miss, it won’t come back Kai. Just… start mapping out the future. Live in the moment!

5). Don’t let failure stop you so easily. If you fail, try again. If you fall, get back up. Get your spark back, Kai.

Hmm. I guess that’s pretty much it. I really hope that 2011 will become the start of a new chapter in my life. I’m fourteen, and God forbid, I won't let my life stop now.

And one last thing:

“HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! GOODBYE 2010 AND HELLO 2011! LET’S MAKE IT A GOOD ONE! :D”

–Karin Novelia, Welcoming A New Year

A Growing Friendship and Loving Family and… School. Meh.

I can’t believe on how many friends I’ve made this year. I’ve really started to see myself open up. Ever since AYC, things have been going great. The AYC gang is still pretty tight, though maybe we don’t see each other that often especially after 28-10-10.

Yup. Our completely student-organized ASEAN Day.

Honestly, the preparation was a pain. There were always these huge communication problems, and so on the big day our execution was less than perfect. But I was glad to see that everything worked out.

The day started with me getting up extra early, and preparing all the World Trade Game stuff I was going to need that day. I put on this cute, sort of flowing dress shirt that had a batik-pattern on it – today’s nationalistic dress code. The point of ASEAN Day was for the AYC delegates from Santa Laurensia Junior High School, to show what we had learned from AYC, and more importantly pass on the AYC spirit. 28th October was also the annual “Hari Sumpah Pemuda” celebration in Indonesia, remembering the day where during the age of fighting for independence, youths from all over Indonesia made the “Sumpah Pemuda”, their pledge of allegiance to its nation and unity as its people.

First we had a nice flag ceremony in honor of Hari Sumpah Pemuda. The pemimpin upcara was Jeffry Wicaksana and the Pembina upacara was our own Student Council President, Toby Limanto. After the flag ceremony we had a short opening speech from Garry as the ASEAN Day Chairperson, Toby as the Student President, Kay as the Cultural Performance PIC, and also from Bu Maria.

The performances were magnificent, although unfortunately I didn’t get to see all of them because I had to prepare for the World Trade Game. I was glad to see 9A’s awesome fashion show (I know I’ve been so busy and couldn’t help them prepare a lot, but I was glad to be their Class Facil). And I heard 8A’s Laos Drama was awesome! We even own first place for it. Too bad I wasn’t able to be a part of it… Proud of you guys! ;)

The first round of the session was the 9th Graders play World Trade Game first, while the 7th and 8th face the Mock Regional Forum. The 9th Graders were more cooperative than I thought they would be, or at least, expected to be from the others’ opinion on their behavior. I had a great, almost rushed time being one of the World Bank Bankers. Though we did hit one ditch. WE RAN OUT OF MONEY! HAHA .___.

Then there was this small schedule problem. They said to cancel the second session of games, but suddenly had to put them back in -____-. So I had to completely rush the preparations for the 2nd session of World Trade Game and it was crazy because I had to prepare for BOTH the 7th and 8th Grade Games. I was running back and forth from where the 7th graders were, in the Columbus hall in front of the Health Center, and the 8th Graders back in the Aula TK.

I was definitely tired once the day was over. It was even raining by the end of the day, and I had at some point taken off my shoes and left them off, and so my sock were soaked, my feet were sore, my hands felt like coming off and I had a ton of stuff to bring home, even more than what I had brought to school to begin with…

Well, though there were some complaints and harsh feedback, I think ASEAN Day ended up becoming really successful :D

Then came 2-11-10. Yes, the 2nd of November. My 14th Birthday! :D

Gosh, I had been through quite a bit of crap in the past few months, but I wanted my birthday, my 14th birthday to represent a new beginning. A fresh start of the better days to come. And I hadn’t expected myself to be surprised by some very good friends! The day started off with my getting up early, unfortunately for school.

I walked into my class with a perky, joyful attitude and couldn’t help but feel excited. I had a lot of birthday wishes on Twitter and Facebook, which always brightens up my day. I also got some face-to-face hugs and kisses at school :D

But I didn’t expect what was waiting for me on when my bestfriend Shella, dragged me down the stairs towards the hallway near the administration office (by the locker where people get their food dropped by) to see a giant, Harvest Chocolate birthday cake being lit by Kenny and held by the arms of Natasha. There were other guys there, mostly fellow 8th Grade SOTs and we had a little party eating the cake together.

Honestly, I was almost in tears! No one had even bothered giving me a surprise like that in the past 4 years :’)

Sadly, the 9th graders were on their trip to Bangka, that meant my wonderful boyfriend as well, so things were a bit more quiet than they should’ve been. I wished they were around though!

But I know they still wished a “Happy Birthday” from such a long-distance, and Evan came back with this cute little souvenir and a heart-felt photo :)

Let’s not forget a beautiful friendship that started in the dark corners of the YMCA hotel rooms back during AYC: GPRS!

What’s GPRS? Well, it stands for the 4 friends who have stuck together through thick and thin.

G= Gori (Gregorius Erico)

P=Poche (Sharleen Wonorahardjo)

R= Rin (Karin Novelia, Me Hehe)

S=Sasha (Natasha Clarita)

This whole thing started back in AYC, when we were getting together at night back at the hotel, we found the four of us together and developed the first ever Sesi Curhat, and we found ourselves becoming very close, telling each other our own problems, giving out advice, supporting one another. Let’s hope this is a friendship that’ll stand the test of time :)

Hmm, and things with the Fam?

Things are fine, I guess. Though I’ve had some rough spots with the parents this year, we’ve managed to come together to make a compromise. And we’ve started spending more quality time together :D

Then there’s me and School. Honestly, it’s been somewhat… MEH. Seriously, I expected it to be better.

I guess one main factor was that I wasn’t accepted into the Student Council. Not accepted. At all. Even though I did incredibly well in the interview (or so I thought), a few changes in the system this year, like a new teacher coordinating OSIS, and more of a shift to train the 7th graders and give more chances to the less active 8th Graders.

I guess I should consider it a compliment. It sort of says that I’m too good to be in the Student Council. BUT MAN I DIDN’T THINK THAT WAY AT FIRST. I took it pretty hard. I mean, without being Student Council President, or AT LEAST a Student Council Member, what was I going to do the rest of the year? I really wanted this to keep me busy and develop from being academically active.

So, I guess this sort of got me depressed for awhile. Especially since it blinded me from all the other things I had going. I was kind of tired from dealing with AYC, and so put it on hold.

And then there’s… Science Club.

I apparently found out later that one of the reason I didn’t get accepted to the Student Council is because of this unwritten school policy that a student should not be ‘over-worked’. They figured that since I was in the Science Club I would focus myself more on that, and so wouldn’t have time to deal with the Student Council.

I was like, WTHECK? They actually asked some candidates which one they would prefer, but they didn’t EVEN ASK ME!

And what a weird policy! I mean, can’t a student be allowed to excel? -.-

And so hearing that sort of made my lose spirit in dealing with Science Club. I still hadn’t managed to come up with a good topic, and when I started to get into the groove, I felt like I was over-working myself, since school was a whirlwind of projects, tests and quizzes.

I AM SO SORRY SIR DIDI! D: I know you’ve tried to be patient with us, but I still feel like I’ve disappointed you a lot! And you really are a great teacher, I assure you. The advice you’ve given me will always be treasured.

But there is one good thing I suppose. My Extracurricular Class (Ekskul), Modern Dance. Yep, don’t laugh, but the highlight of my year was dancing with the Nefertirians, my fellow 8th Graders.

We’ve been training for awhile. Praciticing our routine, though it was tough to get all the girls together. We even spent the time afterschool to really get things right. Then on December 17th, the last day of school before the winter holidays, we got up on stage and KILLED it.

Okay, maybe I’m overreacting. Hahaha. But we did do a great job :)

I mean, looking back at it, I was glad I was able to at least do a decent job. I mean, the last time I had danced like that in a performance was back in the Philippines. Every year, back at C.S.A, my old school, they would hold these end-of-year performances. The only difference between that and Loren was that the school always tried to make sure that EVERY class got a chance to perform. EVERY CLASS. Even if it was a simple skit, or a DANCE NUMBER, they wanted everyone to get involved.

So yes, back then I danced quite a lot. My “ekskul” back then was also dance, though it was limited to Modern. It was one of those treasured memories I have. Getting up on stage dancing with my friends, in front of the crowd, and in the end bowing to a round of applause.

Since I moved to Indonesia, that was one of the things that changed. That was one of the things that had to… stop. Maybe it’s better to say, put on pause. So this year, the 8th grade, I decided to take a risk. For my Ekskul I purposely enrolled myself to Modern Dance.

To be honest, I was nervous. I knew that people wouldn’t believe it once they heard I was in Modern Dance, and they did make fun, they did laugh. And I was afraid that after all these years, I wasn’t cut out for dancing anymore.

But that day, the day of the performance, while I was preparing myself, putting on my costume and make up, getting my hair curled as the finishing touch. I looked myself in the mirror and though I was nervous, I saw myself.

I was… different. I’d never dressed up like this in a while. I looked… stunning. And I saw this glint in my eyes, the kind that expressed the joy in what I was doing, the joy of being in that moment.

The last time I had seen my eyes sparkle like that was… AYC.

Wow. I can’t even begin to describe how it felt, dancing again, on a stage, hearing people even scream my name at the beginning of the routine. And in a long time, I felt alive again. I felt this awesome adrenaline rush.

When I got off stage, I was a bit dizzy. Not to mention tired. But I was proud of myself. I took a risk and put myself out there. And the results were nothing to be underestimated.

So, there you have. A quick catch-up on what has gone on since my last post.

Cheers! :D

--Karin Novelia, The Sentimental

Losing My Spark

Doesn’t it just suck to see your life completely collapse right in front of you? To see every plan and effort you’ve made suddenly be scrapped and seem… worthless.

Sorry to open up my first post, after a long blogging hiatus, with such a gloomy opening. I’ve just recently entered the “Christmas holidays” after a grueling school semester. The 8th grade wasn't as easy as I thought it would be.

But the one thing that’s been really getting to me: Sometimes it feels like I’m not even trying. Like nowadays, I’m more prone to give up.

What the hell.

This isn’t me. This isn’t who I am. I am not a quitter. Haven’t I always tried giving my best in everything I do, no matter what the outcome? To get back up when I fall?

The thing is, getting back up isn’t always that easy. It’s a lazy afternoon, and I just started thinking about my life so far. More specifically everything that has happened in this past year.

2010. A pretty nice number, huh? Been a pretty good year too, when I think about it. Actually, one of the best moments of my life happened within this year.

On the other hand, so did a whole bunch of other crap.

Reading back on some of my earlier posts, like the one on my first day of school, my first day of 8th grade — I had a lot of expectations for this year. A lot of plans. And it seemed like none of them turned out well.

It’s December. The last month of the year. 2010 is about to end, and I guess, it’s got me thinking about it. About what has happened. Or didn’t happen.

But, let’s tackle that one a time. Since I’m absolutely bored out of my brain right, I’m gonna pick up the pieces and dust off this old blog of mine. I’ll recall everything that has happened since my last post (back in September haha) and try to chronicle them as best as I can.

Right now… I can’t help but feel… that I’ve lost my spark. I’ve stopped trying to the things I’ve wanted to achieve. The things that I could only dream of.

Well, life’s been fine, recently. Things have been getting better. But I can’t help but feel something’s missing. That the days that are going by feel sort of empty. That I don’t feel…. alive.

One thing’s for sure: I have to get my spark back.

--Karin Novelia, A Missing Spark

Time For Holidays... Or Not.

Well, it's been 10 days of holidays, sleep and peace.

Except there's also been nearly 4 whole days spent drowned in homework.

I didn't go out of the country. Only out of town. And that was just one day, stuck in the back of the car squeezed in with my brother and sister.

I did get a new watch, sweatshirt, and a pair Converse sneakers.

It's not exactly the best holiday plans I've had, but they're not exactly the worst either.

Now, it's the last day of holiday. Tomorrow's a Monday, and as much as I like to sleep in, I actually want nothing more than to get back to school.

Wish me luck. :)

So... What Now?

I guess you've pretty much noticed how a bit melancholic my writing's have been getting. Don't worry though, things are finally starting to look up. Just think of all of these reflections as a platform for my self-improvement, not a sudden downfall into a spiraling pit emo-isticness (that even a word? XP) . So, the only thing on my mind is: What's next?

Quick list:

1) AYC after-plan is back on track. In fact, the few adjustments made to the plan seem more plausible and exciting than before. 28-11-10 is gonna be a blast, and I'm gonna put my English teaching skills to work :D

2) Well, last Friday was a total crazy yet super fun day. I now "hate" Yehezkiel Fulia. And I've realize how terrible gossip can spread like wildfire at my school. Oh well. Hahahaha. Oh, besides that, I've regained my confidence in my Public Speaking skills, in Listening and Speaking class. Thank you Mr Jarot for the awesome assignment. XD

3) My love-life may not be exactly going for the best, but it sure has made turn for the interesting.

4) I've been complimented and encouraged a lot lately. Just hearing 'thank you', is enough for me. That was just... Wow. :)

5) "Paranoia" is a word that now makes me laugh. XD

6) I've realized how much I've changed so recently. I've also realized that I've made so pretty good friends who will be there for me. I'm starting to open up.

7) Got a few tests but little homework for the coming week. Lebaran Holidays start THURSDAY! (y)!

8) Oh yeah, I sent the Times Bookstore Writing Competition Essay. Hope it works out!

9) Got another writing competition at Tunas Muda coming up too, though the topic doesn't really interest me, I'll try my best anyway.

10) Suddenly had a great new idea for a new story! Writing Fever looks like is gonna catch on fast! :)

Pretty much it. Hope to get a lot of things done.

Thanks for reading.

--Karin Novelia, New-Found Optimist

Through The Rain-Stained Glass

To be honest, I've changed. Quite a lot really, when you think about it.

Perhaps, this is a good thing. On the other hand, maybe it isn't either.

When I was little I used to get along with everyone, making friends were easy back when you were four. Now, honestly, friendship has become complicated.

I always, and still believe that no matter  how horrible someone seems, there is a good side to them. Now, I'm starting to think, that maybe that's not always the case.

I've always believed of giving somone second chances, giving them the benefit of the doubt. Back then, it seemingly paid off. Now, I'm not sure if it's worth the trouble.

I used to be such a tomboy. The kind of girl that would rather shoot hoops with the guys than gossip about guys with the girls. Never thought about love that much. Again, it was easier to do that when you were little. And so much easier before I met you. Hehehe. ;)

Back then, I used to think that there was always people who supported me. Now, it looks like there are a lot more people who want to bring me down.

Back then, I was still the youngest child. I still got some attention, just like a kid should. Now, I'm the middle child, always looking after my brother and sister, sometimes being side-lined for the sake of their well-being. I used to love this 'job', now I'm not sure. :/

Use to think, that no matter how bad things seemed, everything would work out if I tried my best. Now, at best, I still cling onto that belief, but time and time again, I've been proven wrong.

I used to always speak my mind. I always would say the stupidest things, and people would go "Aw, how cute" and laugh. Cuz when you're little you're still allowed to make mistakes. Now, people might take things the wrong way, and blow things out of proportion. So I guess, I've learned to think before I speak. I've learned that maybe it's best to hold your tongue sometimes. Perhaps, at times, I've witheld to much?

They say change is part of growing up. You can't grow up without it.

Maybe it seems like my changes in perspective on the things I've written above are seemingly becoming more pessimistic. Well, maybe they are. But maybe, their just showing that I'm thinking more logically. Thinking more mature. The real world -- the one I'll face once I'm all grown-up -- isn't that much welcoming for a kid, right?

There's one thing, that I've started to realize though. Back then, in my old life, I guess you could call it, I've been a bit closed. I used to think that showing emotions -- sadness, anger, depression, envy -- was lame. That it showed I was weak.

Now, I still think the same way. Noone really cared when I did, so I see it as pointless.

But recently, things have been different. I've found myself opening up to other people. I've even cried in front of my friends (during AYC), and it's something I haven't done in a long time. When it happened, I couldn't help but hit myself. I thought things would start to be awkward. That when I looked at my friends, all they would remember was me in that moment. Fragile, weak... and vulnerable.

Surprisingly, they didn't. Well, maybe they did remember that moment. But because they did, I guess, I've let them into my personal bubble, given them a chance to know me better. They gotten a better look at who I am, and what gets to me. That didn't make them any less my friends. In fact, it's made them better friends, since now they know exactly what to do and when I need a helping hand or just a hug.

I think I've realized, that showing emotions isn't such a bad thing. That sometimes, it's okay to let those tears out. Seeing the world through tear-glazed eyes is like looking through the rain-stained glass of a window after a drizzle. The moist drops of water slightly obscure your view and the world becomes a little blurry, and for a moment your troubles seem a lot less small. Then the light shines at a certain angle, and the drops of water seem to shine, giving off their small glow.

And then, in this half-melancholic, half-calm state, you realize: the world is beautiful.

--Karin Novelia, Staring Out The Rain-Stained Glass