Today has been a pretty bad day for me. I woke up this morning feeling so ready to go to school. But in the end I couldn't because this annoying little cough that surfaced just after I came home from Singapore, turned for the worse. Now my throat is sore, and my voice is on the verge of completely getting lost. When it does come out, I sound like a croaking frog.
On the up-side of sick days, as always, was extra sleep time, some very needed R&R, and something most kids wouldn't probably agree to, a chance to get most of my schoolwork done.
But amidst of my sudden energy boost to get to work, my spirit was dampened just this evening.
I was sitting by my Doctor, Doctor Indra's table as he wrote out a prescription for my sore throat, when my Mom suddenly shoved her BlackBerry into my face. At first, I thought she was going to tell me a corny joke, or the latest gossip moms like to talk about these days, but when I reluctantly read the single line of news, there was no more I could do than to blink back in surprise.
Pak Agus. Elementary PE teacher. Passed away?
I couldn't even register what was written on the screen. For the first few seconds, I didn't even want to believe it.
I still remembered the last time I saw Pak Agus. I remember it as if it was yesterday, because it really was only yesterday. It was after school, and as always my preferred route towards home passed the Elementary's Einstein Hall. I saw my little sister walk into the TU, and followed her to take her home. I saw my Mom, also waiting inside, the small room, Pak Agus sitting on the receptionist table.
I can still picture his face. He was smiling, having a nice conversation with my mom. I could see the wrinkles converge at the corner of his eyes, as he laughed about something, seemingly happy. Seemingly fine.
I passed the BlackBerry back to mom, as she asked the means of Pak Agus's passing. She kept reveling in the fact, that she had talked to him just yesterday, without realizing that would probably the last time she would talk to him. The last she would even see him.
A heart-attack. That was what took him away from us. From his family, his friends, his beloved students. A way of dying so sudden, it would practically be painless. All I could think about then was Why? Why now? Why ever, for that matter? Was death that merciless to take away someone who's time hadn't even come?
The doc came back with my medicine, and I said thank you and left, my heart felt heavy.
I felt like crying. Oh, man, I felt like crying so much. But I didn't wanna do it in front of my Mom. Nor at home for that matter, in front of my Dad, sister or brother. But it hurt a lot. Hearing such awful news. My heart was aching. I couldn't bear it.
But I held the tears in. I convinced myself that not crying, didn't mean I didn't care. Not crying meant, that I was being strong. Being strong so as to not make others sad, or worry about me. And being strong for Pak Agus, who surely is in a happier place now.
Instead, I had a flashback moment in the car. I remembered the days back in Elementary, when I was being taught by Pak Agus. For someone who's a bit athletically-challenged, PE wasn't always such a favorite of mine. Sure, I would give my best, but in the end, I'd be really wiped and wasn't able to master any techniques.
But, with Pak Agus, I found a new joy to learning PE. He pushed me to try even harder. He pushed me to believe in myself, to believe that I could. In the end, I wasn't a master, but he helped me to improve.
I still remember a moment back in the 6th Grade, the year I truly miss dearly. It was coming around time to face the National Exams, and also the Practical Exams. The one that worried me the most was PE. Doing forward somersaults were not my forte.
It was after a day when I had had PE. We were practicing doing our rolls, and I of course was hopeless at it. When dismissal time came around, I knew I would be picked up late, and I decided to hang around the gym. It was completely deserted, just me and the lone basketball.
Then, Pak Agus stopped by. Now that I think about it, I don't really know why he was there. He just was. And even until now, I'm glad for that fact. He asked me if I was ready for the PE Practicals yet. He asked in his sort of taunting and playful way, but I openly said no, I wasn't ready. I couldn't even do a freakin' somersault.
He laughed, and since I was feeling down at the time, it irritated me a little. But what he did next, still gets me even now. He pulled out a green mattress, the thin ones we used for practice, and told me try again, at that very second.
I thought he was kidding, at first. But since no one was around, I was confident enough to try. The first attempts were a failure. So much, I was even laughing at myself. But because, I kept trying and because Pak Agus was there to help, and support me, by the end of the day, I was able to do it.
When Practicals came around, you know how much I got in PE? An 8. I know, it's not a 8.5 or a 9, but it was the highest I ever achieved, and so yeah... I'm grateful for it.
Pak Agus is a guy I remember with a moustache. A guy who would tell corny jokes, and had a hearty laugh. A guy who became a PE teacher, who taught me for about 3 years. A guy who taunted me when I failed at PE, but supported me 'till I succeeded. A guy who inspired and taught me, and gave me all the more reason to become a teacher.
And to Pak Agus, wherever you are now, I hope you are happy and satisfied with the life you have led. I believe that you're in a better place now. I know that you are going to read this, and you are smiling right now. I just want you to know, that without you I wouldn't have been able to have done the things that I did. The things that you taught me to do. What you showed me, was beyond mere PE. You taught me to believe in myself. And for that, I want to say THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart.
Even though it's still a bit hard for me to imagine, to walk past the Elementary building, without being to able to say hi, or even see you again, I feel somewhat stronger. Though this is sad news, I'll remember in every step I make the things you have taught me. I'll only become more determined now in PE class, to raise my grades, not just for me, but for you as well.
Goodbye, Pak Agus. You've truly been a great PE teacher and friend for me.
And somewhere, someday, I know we'll get to say Hello to each other again.
So for now, I guess the best thing to say is, Aloha! :)
--Karin Novelia
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