Writing (#Blogmas: Day 10)

I'm feeling really good about thing blog of mine. If the recent #Blogmas posts are anything go by, I actually do have lots to say (tho tbh a shit load of stuff did happen recently that gave me a lot of things to say). But I've never felt blogging come so easily to me. It usually felt like a chore when I got around to actually doing it. Now, it's almost part of my routine.
Unfortunately, things on the fiction writing front aren't as swell.
I actually feel like I've been getting a lot of things done this holiday, which I can tell because I am actually losing track of time, and I just find my days so full that I find myself doing one thing after the other and everything just flies by so fast.
I've just been doing everything but write.
Which sucks, because I was really determined to write, but it wasn't until recently that I realize how hard it is. And this isn't my usual writer's block. I have no idea how I was able to write anything decent before, and maybe it's just been a while, but I can't seem to get the words out right. Usually, my problem with writing is, well writer's block, i.e. a lack of inspiration leaving me with no idea of what story to write. Now, I do have a pretty clear idea of how I want things to play out, but what I picture in my head is so hard to translate onto page.
And it's frustrating. Really frustrating.
I hate feeling like this, so maybe that explains why I am getting so many other things done. I hate sitting hours in front of a blank screen, so I preoccupy myself with other things.
“I know what it’s like to be distracted. To seek out distractions. To exhaust yourself doing every other little thing rather than face a blank page.”
Writing used to be something that came so easily to me. For me, to come up with an entire world, full of stories and places and characters that I had imagined in my head, and bring them to life on page, that, ladies and gentlemen, was the closest I have ever come to doing actual magic.
When the words come easy, and sometimes they do come easy, it's like having this entire world being poured out of you, but instead of leaving you empty, the well never seemed to dried.
When the words don't easy, writing every letter becomes painful. And as you dig the bottom of the barrel to scrape some cohesive string of properly ordered words, you feel yourself empty and your stock run out. You feel trapped. Suffocated by your own inadequacy and incoherence. You are drowning in a sea of words that never sound right, never do justice to the images in your head.
“When I’m writing my own stuff, it’s like swimming upstream. Or … falling down a cliff and grabbing at branches, trying to invent the branches as I fall.”  
I don't how know how authors like J.K. Rowling and Stephen King do it. How do they manage to come up with something original and captivating? Where do all those ideas come from, and how do they manage to find all the right words?
In a way, fanfiction is easier to write. Here, you'd don't have to start from scratch. You don't have to be daunted by the lack of originality in your writing. Even though the underlying story and characters can't rightfully be called yours, you twist things just enough to make them sound like they are.
And I know he’s not mine, but that doesn’t matter to me. I’d rather pour myself into a world I love and understand, than try to make something up out of nothing.
I know I'm frustrated and struggling to find the right words. But I know that if I keep at it and keep on writing and rewriting and rewriting some more, I will eventually get there. Brick by brick, word by word, I will build an empire out my own imagination. I will find myself acquainted with these characters who have become people in their own right, and I'll have a story that will have evolved into something that is completely its own.
That moment will be magnificent and wonderful and beautiful.
I guess I'm just a little impatient to get there.
But here's to still trying.  
“The professor leaned forward. “But there’s nothing more profound than creating something out of nothing.” Her lovely face turned fierce. “Think about it Cath. That’s what makes a god—or a mother. There’s nothing more intoxicating than creating something from nothing. Creating something from yourself.” -- Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell
'Til the next post!

--Karin Novelia, A Bit Rusty With The Pen

[All quotes are from Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. It's a really good read, so I highly recommend you go read. Go. Go now. I'll wait.]


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